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"you know, with a touch of chocolately sweetness But be careful If you eat too much chocolate, you'll get sick " I liked the first stanza except for this part. ...

It was a bit unorganized, but it wasn't bad. The second to the last stanza was my favorite. The beginning was kind of boring though, because it was a pretty ...

I was 10 at that time. We were in class when it happened. Some girls in the year ahead of us interrupted our classroom. They were laughing and talking, and ...

This reminded me of another poem on here... it had to do with a death parade too... "I grab the bottle and seep into the land of drunkenness" The rest ...

I hope you're not tired of hearing this, but it was really good. I especially liked the hide and seek analogy. The part that confused me was the part where, ...

You had "read on" in your prologue and you mentioned "we." I'm assuming you have that throughout your whole story, this mysterious narrator? Here's a grammatical error that bugged me: ...

The beginning seemed to imply that the father was the one to die, or it seemed so to me, anyway. Then the scene with the mother coming into the girl's ...

"Weddings are loving" Loving? Do you mean lovely? It seemed like you were trying to write a fun, little kid poem. The rhyming was a big contributor to that. I ...

I personally enjoyed this, especially the way you wrote it, the format and all. Some sentences that confused me: "He wonders if he did just impulsively jump if they’d care, ...

It was really difficult to read, since you had almost no punctuation to direct the reader. Also, some adjectives didn't see very necessary, and it kind of made the poem ...

Hey, did you show him this? Just curious, because I finished reading your story... yeah.. Anyways. The second stanza seemed kind of like you were contradicting yourself... was that intended? ...

I know it's a tad bit late to comment on this, but whatever. "“Know, she wants me to see him first. I don’t know why. My mom’s just weird sometimes. ...

Shouldn't this be in the narrative poetry section? I really liked this part: "Pain? What is pain? Pain is a mere jab in one's flesh. Agony is flying Through a ...

"let me be the one to hold the knife let me be the one to kiss you let me be the one who tastes your blood…" Maybe you should switch ...

Hey my name's in there :) Anyway, this needs some work. "She has finally reached the point. The Boiling point. " The added "Boiling point" destroyed the feel of the ...