emmylou1995

Trust me, I know that I need more. But this was for a contest, sorry for not making that clear. The contest stated that I could not use voice tags ...

Thanks, Hiadel. That is exactly the feeling I was going for. I wanted the place around the girl to be beautiful and yet not seem to fit to her mood. ...

Thanks, EAHailstorm. Your critisism really helped. I fixed it up a little. I hope it is better. At least a little.

I changed it! I fixed the mom thing and I tried to fix up the tense problem. Please read over and tell me what you think! First chapter being posted ...

I fixed the last word! Tell me what you think!

Thamks everyone! The advice was great. I am actually thinking of changing the main characters names. I was thinking something medieval or fantasy. Or both. Any ideas?

I fixed up some of the nitpicks! I hope it is better!

I like this peice. I definatly want to read more. What happens! What is the shout from? I loved this and I will so totally read more. Good Luck! (P.S- ...

I tryed to make my poem better, although I dont know if I succeeded. Please, someone tell me if it is better!

I liked it but "Why would the P.E. want you to leave? Where?" I have the same questions. very descriptive though.

I loved it Meep! totally awesome! I laughed the whole way through! I love how Bella ends up slipping and dying! Perfect ending! Ha Ha!

i finally redid some of it. I do not know it it is better or not. Please tell me!

Yeah, too much love. Love this love that. Nice peom though. I liked the hush me to sleep thing. That was nice. Well, i have nothing else to say that ...

I think you did a great job Jenthura. The only thing is that all my writing teachers say that you should never start out a story with a dream because ...

I liked the description of the room. I also like, along with zoorah12 how you wrote the fly in with the story. I think the pizza, the mugs, and the ...