Laughter is good for your health. Hopefully it makes you laugh.
Not for the Twilight Lovers.
Written in a hurry 
----------
J.K Rowling: This is all your fault, you know.
Stephenie Meyer: *whines* Why is it my fault? You’re the one who wrote Harry Potter!
Rowling: Before Twilight existed, you moron.
*The two women bicker pointlessly on whose fault it is that Harry ended up in Forks and Edward ended up in Hogwarts. We all know that Meyer doesn’t stand a chance.*
In what should have been Harry’s third year at Hogwarts…*POOF!*
E: *looks around, dazed* Woah…the Volturi sure jazzed up their house.
*Hermoine taps him on his shoulder*
Hermoine: Hi there, I’m Hermoine Granger, smart-aleck extraordinaire!
*Flashes a smile showing her teeth*
E: You look like a beaver.
Hermoine: *sputters, fumes and whips out her wand, pointing it at Edward* I’ll show you beaver! Giganto Bucktoofus!
E: *Whips out his pocket mirror which he uses to flatter his vanity* Oh emm gee! I look like a walrus! Not a beaver!
H: *scoffs* That’ll teach you to mess with a genius.
E: What kind of genius confuses a beaver for a walrus? My Bella is a genius too! She takes AP Biology and did a mitosis stages experiment with whitefish blastula! BLASTula, you know!
H: *snorts delicately and removes the curse. For now.* Big deal. She’s a muggle.
E: Muggle? OH! You mean Muggle-Wumps, from Roald Dahl’s The Twits right? My girl isn’t a monkey!
H: No, but you’re the twit.
E: *frowns and prepares to give her a long lecture on his boring decades of repeating school over and over again. Oh, and how hot he is.*
Professor McGonagall: Edward, would you come here please? I shall take you to Professor Dumbledore’s office. You need to get sorted and begin your third-year classes as soon as possible.
E: *follows after her* Uhh... okay. But who’s Prof Dumblydoor?
H: Dumbledore, you idiot. Dumbledore!
E: Fine. No need to get your knickers in a twist.
*Hermoine glowers at him*
McG: Miss Granger, you come along as well. I have to rush off for my Transparent lessons. I’ll need you to show our new student to his house. Whichever it may be.
E: Woah! I get my own pad? Wicked!
H: Honestly, is there a brain in that head of yours? Oh, and Professor, don’t you mean Transfiguration lessons?
McG: No, Mondays are my Transparent lessons. Ghosts need to learn how to blend in with their surroundings, you know. Nearly Headless Nick is much better than the other ghosts. At least he doesn’t use his head as a bowling ball like the others do.
H: He doesn’t have the choice, ma’am.
*After McG recites the password, Snotsicle, the gargoyles make way and the trio enter the office.*
*Dumbledore stands there, wearing a bright flashy pink robe*
Dumbledore: Oh hello children! I was just about to leave. I have an 'appointment' with Gellert. Do I look okay?
McG: Ah yes, Grindelwald. Tell him I said ‘go to hell’ for me, will you? We’re here to sort our new third year student into his new house.
*leans down to whisper into Hermoine’s ear*
Albus is an almost-out-of-the-closet gay.
H: Oooh, gossip.
*Edward sits on a stool and McG places the tattered Sorting Hat on his head*
E: This hat totally cramps my style.
H: Deal with it, bozo.
Sorting Hat: Interesting. Very interesting. Where should I put you… Hufflepuff? Gri-
E: Hufflepuff? Is that some kind of pastry or fungus? Eww…I don’t want to live in a mushroom.
H: Do not interrupt the Sorting Hat!
Sorting Hat: Ah yes. A dare devil. Loves to put his girlfriends in peril. Very well, better be…GRYFFINDOR!
H: Of all the bloody luck.
McG: Ah, Gryffindor. *Sentimentally wipes non-existent tear from her eye* I am head of the Gryffindor house.
E: *hops around eagerly* Oooh! What kind of house did I get??
H: Oh it’s a three-storey mansion with solid gold furniture and an infinity pool plus Jacuzzi.
E: *eye widen into huge orbs* Really???
H: *Rolls eyes* Why me? Why did he have to be placed in the same house as me?
E: Eww!!! I have to share a house with her? I might get cooties! It’s contagious.
H: *glares* You’re lucky I don’t ask Fred & George to put you into the broom cupboard like they did with Marcus Flint.
*After parting ways with McG, Hermoine heads for first period Defense Of The Dark Arts Class, while Edward stalks her.*
H: So who are you anyway?
E: *draws himself up proudly* I, am Edward Cullen. Resident Hot Bod.
H: You mean, Resident Hot Air.
*At this point, fan witches mysteriously appear and flock Edward*
Fan girl #963852: *hyperventilates* Oh gawd, he’s hotter than Lockheart! Edward! Smile for us!
*Edward smiles ‘dazzlingly’*
Fan girl #1867396032: Eww! There’s a garden growing on your teeth!
Edward: Oh sorry, that was some leftover spinach from lunch.
*Hermoine takes this opportunity to escape while he’s distracted*
~~~~~~~~~~
Defense Of The Dark Arts Lesson…
Professor Remus Lupin: Has anyone seen Harry?
Ronald Weasley: Nope. That last time I saw him, he said he was going to get himself almost-killed by Voldemort.
Lupin: *le gasp* Y-you said The Dark Lord’s name!
H: Hey… only Death Eaters call You-Know-Who the ‘Dark Lord’.
*Lupin’s eyes dart around suspiciously*
*In the background, Ron sings Voldemort’s in a terrible falsetto*
E: Why are you looking at us like that for? You’re the one who called him the Duck Lord. And what’s a Death Eater? Ooh! Do they go around saying: Rawr, I eat Death for breakfast?
H: The Dark Lord, you loser! What’s wrong with your hearing?! I think its your ear that’s growing the garden. Not your teeth.
Lupin: *clears throat nervously* Well, since our usual test dummy is missing in action, we’ll need a new volunteer.
*The rest of the Gryfiindors sabotage the newbie and point at him.*
Lupin: Come up here, boy. Prepare for hell!
*cackles evilly, turning off the lights and using a torch to light up his face*
E: *shrugs* Eh, I’m going to hell anyways. Might as well get it over with.
*Suddenly, his nose whiffs a pungent smell*
Who’s wearing Eau De Mutt?
Lupin: *narrows eyes* Leech.
E: *protests* I’m vegetarian!
Lupin: Oooh! The house elves came up with this delicious recipe for tofu ice cream, you know-
E: Not that kind of vegetarian. I drink animal blood. Not human blood. Though I must say, AB+ blood sure is tasty…
L: What kind of vegetarian is that, you filthy bloodsucker.
E: *finally realizes that Lupin is a lycanthrope* Oh great. Who let the dogs out?
*Ron fights the urge to sing that song*
H: Professor! I thought there was no such thing as vampires!
Lupin: Not in this parallel universe. He’s an alien.
Ron: You mean like Roswell?
*As a punishment for his insolence, the rest of the lesson is spent letting students blast Edward apart, only to watch his scattered parts crawl back together again.*
~~~~~~~~~~
After Herbology, on the way to Third period Potions…
E: *rubs ears* Oww… those baby Mandrakes really can’t sing… Just like Rosalie.
Emo-Gryffindor-Dude: That’s because they’re not singing. It’s the tortured screams of their black heart, signifying the hopelessness, empty vacuum of life, where we make sparkles with sticks of wood, but die anyway…
E: That doesn’t make any sense, dude.
EGD: What’s the point of making sense anyway? We’re all going to die anyway, and rot in the soil, our souls begging for mercy, the cries drowned by the devil's laughter as we are flung to the deepest pits of fiery hell… *floats off eerily*
H: Edwart! Over here!
*Edward’s poor hearing does not catch the insult, or his ego is just too big to notice*
*Hermoine thrusts a red robe in his arms.*
H: This is your Gryffindor robe. Wear it.
E: *sulks* But it doesn’t match my eyes! I’m vegetarian! Don’t you have those chic green ones that-
H: *cuts him off sharply, glowering at him* Do not mention wanting to be a low-down Slytherin. Our house rivals them.
E: *shrugs* Whatever. I forgot that my eyes are gold anyway. Hey! Do you think that those Huffle-
H: We are not Hufflepuff either. Wear it before I turn your hair blue.
E: Oooh, blue! Good idea! Do you think it’ll match my eyes?
*They finally settle down in the Dungeon, where Hermoine can stay far, far away from him.*
Malfoy: Who is the new guy? *snaps fingers and is suddenly surrounded by the Mafia*
H: What is the Mafia doing here?
Malfoy: Oh err, *snaps fingers again. The Mafia disperses and Crabbe & Goyle appear*
H: That’s more like it. The Gorilla Twins.
*Crabbe and Goyle crack their knuckles threateningly*
Professor Severus Snape: *glides in* Settle down, you pathetic, uneducated children. We are, sadly, acquainted and there is no need to bore me with your pitiful lives. Let’s get straight on with the lesson.
E: *raises his hand* Mr Severed Snake-
H: *screams in frustration, flinging hands wildly* It’s pronounced Severus Snape, stupid! *proceeds to utter a string of unprintable obscenities*
Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at Hogsmeade.
H: *Eyes him condescendingly* Fine. And there’s no such word as ‘badder’.
E: Why are you talking about bladders?
H:
Malfoy: Impressive.
Snape: Enough bickering. Would you wrap up your interruption, Mr-
E: I’m Edward, a transfer student from a parallel universe. Or at least that’s what Professor Loopy said. I just wanted to tell you, that you put too much powder on your face, Mister Snap sir. It makes you all pale and sickly. You gotta have my good looks to be able to carry it off. Oh, and you put way too much gel in your hair. Its like, all like, greasy.
Snape: *advances menacingly*…That, is my natural skin colour and hair.
Ron: Poor sap. At least Harry met Voldemort.
@@@@@@@@@@
This is the scene where Bella and Edward are supposed to escape from James.
*POOF!*
Harry: Volde- Huh?!?
Bella: Ohmygodohmygod. Where is my Edward-honeybun-cutie-pie-loveydovey-sweetheart? James is after me!!! He says I smell like lasagna!
Harry: *drool* Mmmm….lasagna…*more salivation*
Bella: You fool! This is the unbelievable, yet bestseller Twilight book, not The Simpsons! And I’m supposed to smell like strawberry…
Harry: Excuse me, why are we running?
Bella: Because that freaky vamp dude is gonna snack on me! I’m too useless to die!
Harry: Uh-huh. So I should care…why?
Bella: I’m the useless damsel in distress and you’re supposed to be my knight in shining armour! Don’t you know that’s how romance novels work???
Harry: *still running* ARGH. R-r-r-r-romance?! It burns!!! I’m allergic to romance! I’m a boy, for goodness sake! Get me out of here! Accio Firebolt!
*Nothing happens. No broomstick to the rescue*
Where in the world am I?
Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
Bella: Now’s not the time to play Marco Polo! I’m getting tired of running! You’re supposed to carry me because I’m the pathetic girl whose life depends on some hot guy becoming her slave!
Harry: You’re not the boss of me!
Bella: Ugh! You’re like…like a child!
Harry: I am a child, dolt.
Bella: No wonder! My boyfriend is almost a hundred.
Harry: Woah. I see that you’re into older men.
Jacob: Bells baby! Come here! Cross over to the reservoir so that I can sweep you into my arms and kiss you so passionately against your own will, that readers start gagging, and declare my undying devotion until Renesmee appears, then dump you for her.
Bella: You idiot! Can’t you see that I’m running?
Jacob: *gapes* Are you eloping with some child?! I didn’t know you’re into younger men! I’m younger than you too! Take me with you!
Bella: Jake, you stupid, stupid, blind dodo. There is a crazy vampire trying to eat me! Call Sam and the pack to risk their lives for me because I am so awesome! I’m an indispensable character unlike them!
Harry: Uhh, we can stop running now?
Bella: Why? I don’t want to get eaten! I’m too precious!
Harry: I zapped the dude into oblivion, like…ten minutes ago.
Bella: Gosh! Are you some kind of wizard? Like J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter?
Harry: I am Harry Potter!
Bella: B-but! You’re not supposed to be here! You don’t exist in real life?
Harry: I-I’m not? My life is a big lie? Oh noooo...
*rips out hair*
Bella: Superstrength! Cool! …Oh, and you’re bald.
Harry: That’s okay. I can fix it. *whips out wand* Hairo Repairo!
*A thick, bushy beard sprouts*
Oh God! I look like I have Hermoine’s head on my chin!
Bella: I’d strongly recommend a Gillette Mach 1000. It has one more blade than the Mach 999! Amazing, ain’t it?
Harry: *ignores her* Barberatzo Shaverato!
Bella: *groans*What kind of lame spell was that?
Harry: The kind that a writer comes up with because she’s not as creative as Rowling. *The beard disappears and his head hair grows back again*
Bella: Ooooh! Sparkly! Do it again!
Harry: What’s sparkly?
Bella: I saw shiny-shiny coming out of your twig!
Harry: That is my wand. And sparks come out whenever I cast a spell. No big deal.
Bella: Do it again! *claps hands*
Harry: Fine! *flick his wand lazily at himself*
*sparkles descend on him*
Bella: Oh. My. Gawd. You’re shinier than Edward! You’re like a…like whatever is more glittery than a diamond!
Harry:…
Bella: *grabs Harry’s hands* Oh Harry! Will you marry me?
Harry: Yucky! No way! Why would I do that?!
Bella: Because you’re more sparkly than my scintillating now-ex-boyfriend Edward and I’m so shallow that I only care about shiny sparkles. If you marry me, I promise I’ll call you sweet names like my Harry deary peachcakes sweetstuff honeybunny heart heart love love loveydovey fuzzywuzzy-
Harry: *covers his ears* Argh! Shut up! Your senseless girly chatter is making my ears bleed! *Bella continues to babble*
Alright, alright! I’ll marry you if you shut up!
~~~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler
Unholy Matrimony – Xenophillius Lovegood
It has come to this my attention that our famous ‘The Boy Who Lived’, was almost wed to a Muggle, Isabella Swan.
What would shock us the most is that Miss Swan, is the fictious character of an amateur novel entitled Twilight. How our beloved Harry Potter landed in this parallel universe, we do not know. But I have reason to believe that this is the doing of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which Potter must have encountered. My further studies into these fascinating creatures show that they are able to teleport matter to random locations. This is a breakthrough in my research, proving my hypothesis that it is able to teleport complex living organisms. How marvelous!
But back to the matter of Harry’s wedding, it seems that our bride has two left feet. For as she stumbled ungracefully down the aisle, the bride accidentally tripped over absolutely nothing, and tumbled onto a carpet full of sharp knives.
We do not have evidence or clues as to who may have placed the cutlery there. However, my sources claim that it was the work of some radical teenage girls from the “Potter’s Princesses” Fan group, who were hovering nearby, planning Miss Swan’s unfortunate demise.
One good thing has surfaced from this though. Potter fanatics may rejoice, for our boy is once again, a very eligible bachelor.
~~~~~~~~~~
The Daily Prophet
J.K Rowling Triumphs! – Rita Skeeter
Sources have cited that the epic battle between our esteemed Creator, Joanne Kathleen Rowling and Stephenie, a nobody whose beginner’s luck catapulted her to fame, is over, with the odds in Rowling’s favour.
While Meyer slapped blindly at the air like a powerless Squib, Rowling threw some skillful punches, breaking a number of Meyer’s nails, who became hysterical.
Meyer then proceeded to wail: “Why are there no tabloid newspaper reporters and paparazzi?! I need attention! Pay attention to me!!!
As photographers swarmed to the scene, like bees to honey, our clever Creator whipped out a trusty pen, and while Meyer posed for pictures, and flung it at her, rendering her unconscious.
The pen indeed, is mightier than the sword.
While this matter is resolved, another remains. This reporter wonders, just where is our dear Harry Potter?
I've got to say Meep, you should send that to J.K and Meyer just to see what they think.
I loved it. I may be a Twilight fan but hell that was funny. Harry Potter and Twilight combined, two of my favourite series of books. You're a genius, but Bella isn't that bad but hay, it made me laugh so no complaints. I haven't laughed that much since my lovely little sister sledded into a fence post (mean big sister, I know).
midnightread 
But I actually wanted Twilight to win because I don't like Harry Potter. Still it was very funny and a very good concept!
That was... well... HILARIOUS!!
I loved how you relayed how the characters would have been if LYING never existed and
everybody was forced to be nobody but their TRUE selves!
I really had fun reading all this.
This is genius
Well Done, I havn't laughed so much in a long time :L
*Likes*
Keep Writing
~Lydia
You are a genius. From the beginning with the J.K. Rowling and Michael Myer thing. Or was her name Stephanie Myer? Oh well, what's the difference? They're both horror movie worthy anyway right? You have enough reviews so I leave you to edit according to their words. There's no need for me to add to your burden.
Wow you're a genius of script dialogue!
That was incredibly FUNNY
The way you've started this is ace:
meep(: wrote:J.K Rowling: This is all your fault, you know.
Stephenie Meyer: *whines* Why is it my fault? You’re the one who wrote Harry Potter!
Rowling: Before Twilight existed, you moron.
Wow...and I mean it. 
I had to stiffle my laughter so my mum wouldn't wake up. Derek's absolutely right, the books don't compare - 'coz Twilight sucks. It really, really does. Sorry if I offended anybody with that comment.
Keep up the good work!
Robyn.
incredible. I loved it! Even though I love Twilight I loved it. Lol
Great work you should deff. pot some more.
-Shorty(amber)
I freaking love this! It is so hilarious and funnny and God, you rule!
E: This hat totally cramps my style.
H: Deal with it, bozo.
H: *snorts delicately and removes the curse. For now.* Big deal. She’s a muggle.
E: Muggle? OH! You mean Muggle-Wumps, from Roald Dahl’s The Twits right? My girl isn’t a monkey!
H: No, but you’re the twit.
E: *raises his hand* Mr Severed Snake-
H: *screams in frustration, flinging hands wildly* It’s pronounced Severus Snape, stupid! *proceeds to utter a string of unprintable obscenities*
Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at Hogsmeade.
H: *Eyes him condescendingly* Fine. And there’s no such word as ‘badder’.
E: Why are you talking about bladders?
H: <Error: Text too vulgar to be displayed>
Malfoy: Impressive.
I couldn't stop laughing!! My sister was/is sitting next to me, and every time I started laughing she gave me a weird look, so I lost it, and was on the floor laughing!
A few critiques. The characters aren't *really* anything like that in the books, and Stephenie Meyer is nothing like that, but it seems as though that's what you were aiming for. (I probably seem like an obsessive twilight fan, defending the twilight-ness?)
I only wish Edward met Cedric...
Keep writing, this was awsome!
~Mo.
That was hilarious, I almost dyed laughing. You should write more things like that. You can just see that becoming the basis for an impressionist show.
OHMYGOSH!!!!!!! That made me laugh so hard!!! I was like dying and my mom came in and had to read it. (She also nearly died by the way!) I am all for J.K. Rowling, and hate how Stephenie Meyer is getting all the attention! I loved the error parts too! Haha it was hilarious!!! Thanks so much you brilliant master mind!
ahahahahah..! hilarious.. super!!!... 
It made me laugh more when I remembered #0000FF ">Robert Pattinson played the role of Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter Goblet of Fire...
ahahahha.. Good thing Edward and Cedric didn't meet.. 
Gosh.. How I love HP..
...My friends.. my sister.. my cousins.. they're all obsessed with Twilight!.. saying it's like HP!!! #FF0000 ">....hated them for that!... 
for the Twi fans..
don't be mad.. 
we're just sharing opinions.. ^^
and just having FUN.. ahhaha 
I loved it Meep! totally awesome! I laughed the whole way through! I love how Bella ends up slipping and dying! Perfect ending! Ha Ha!
Oh my God that was absolutely priceless!
I love the fact that you made anyone from Twilight a total moron! So awesomefull!
I esp. loved these parts
Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
While Meyer slapped blindly at the air like a powerless Squib, Rowling threw some skillful punches, breaking a number of Meyer’s nails, who became hysterical.
Bahahahahaha!
That was the funniest thing I have ever read! There were too many parts that I was dying laughing at to even attempt to put them all in this reply post thingy.
Reading that pretty much made my day. I love it. The stuff about Bella being too useless to die and indispensible was hilarious. I'm a Bella hater, I stopped reading the books because of her actually.
And I liked the "pen really is mightier than the sword" that was great.
You are incredibly talented in the humor department, please write more so we can all laugh more!
Keep it up!
Rory
Bahahahaha! That was fricken funny! I was laughing so hard.Meep(: wrote:Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
I'm still laughing...lolz
That was so funny! I was laughing so hard that my dog started barking and jumping at me. LOL I guess she doesn't like laughing people.
Even as one of the biggest twilight fans there ever lived (in England, because the American fans go waaaay beyond what I'm capable of with my limited time-scale) I thought this was hilarious.
Some especially funny bits for me:
*Dumbledore stands there, wearing a bright flashy pink robe*
Dumbledore: Oh hello children! I was just about to leave. I have an 'appointment' with Gellert. Do I look okay?
McG: Ah yes, Grindelwald. Tell him I said ‘go to hell’ for me, will you? We’re here to sort our new third year student into his new house.
*leans down to whisper into Hermoine’s ear*
Albus is an almost-out-of-the-closet gay.
Ronald Weasley: Nope. That last time I saw him, he said he was going to get himself almost-killed by Voldemort.
E: *shrugs* Eh, I’m going to hell anyways. Might as well get it over with.
*Suddenly, his nose whiffs a pungent smell*
Who’s wearing Eau De Mutt?
Lupin: *narrows eyes* Leech.
E: *protests* I’m vegetarian!
Oh my... XD
My fave:
Professor Severus Snape: *glides in* Settle down, you pathetic, uneducated children. We are, sadly, acquainted and there is no need to bore me with your pitiful lives. Let’s get straight on with the lesson.
E: *raises his hand* Mr Severed Snake-
H: *screams in frustration, flinging hands wildly* It’s pronounced Severus Snape, stupid! *proceeds to utter a string of unprintable obscenities*
H: *snorts delicately and removes the curse. For now.* Big deal. She’s a muggle.
E: Muggle? OH! You mean Muggle-Wumps, from Roald Dahl’s The Twits right? My girl isn’t a monkey!
H: No, but you’re the twit.
E: Woah! I get my own pad? Wicked!
McG: At least he doesn’t use his head as a bowling ball like the others do.
H: He doesn’t have the choice, ma’am.
McG: Ah yes, Grindelwald. Tell him I said ‘go to hell’ for me, will you?
E: This hat totally cramps my style.
H: Deal with it, bozo.
E: Hufflepuff? Is that some kind of pastry or fungus? Eww…I don’t want to live in a mushroom.
Sorting Hat: Ah yes. A dare devil. Loves to put his girlfriends in peril.
E: *hops around eagerly* Oooh! What kind of house did I get??
H: Oh it’s a three-storey mansion with solid gold furniture and an infinity pool plus Jacuzzi.
E: *eye widen into huge orbs* Really???
H: *Rolls eyes* Why me? Why did he have to be placed in the same house as me?
E: Eww!!! I have to share a house with her? I might get cooties! It’s contagious.
H: *glares* You’re lucky I don’t ask Fred & George to put you into the broom cupboard like they did with Marcus Flint.
E: *shrugs* Eh, I’m going to hell anyways. Might as well get it over with.
*Suddenly, his nose whiffs a pungent smell*
Who’s wearing Eau De Mutt?
Emo-Gryffindor-Dude: That’s because they’re not singing. It’s the tortured screams of their black heart, signifying the hopelessness, empty vacuum of life, where we make sparkles with sticks of wood, but die anyway…
E: That doesn’t make any sense, dude.
Malfoy: Who is the new guy? *snaps fingers and is suddenly surrounded by the Mafia*
H: What is the Mafia doing here?
E: *raises his hand* Mr Severed Snake-
H: *screams in frustration, flinging hands wildly* It’s pronounced Severus Snape, stupid! *proceeds to utter a string of unprintable obscenities*
Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at Hogsmeade.
H: *Eyes him condescendingly* Fine. And there’s no such word as ‘badder’.
E: Why are you talking about bladders?
H: <Error: Text too vulgar to be displayed>
Malfoy: Impressive.
Jacob: Bells baby! Come here! Cross over to the reservoir so that I can sweep you into my arms and kiss you so passionately against your own will, that readers start gagging, and declare my undying devotion until Renesmee appears, then dump you for her.
Bella: Oh. My. Gawd. You’re shinier than Edward! You’re like a…like whatever is more glittery than a diamond!
This was so well done that even I can't complain about. I laughed, I cried, and you insulted two of my favorite characters of all time.
Good job. Can't complain about such obvious wit and talent. NOT being sarcastic.
Ok, for more of a critical review. You could try a little harder to tighten it up. It would be even funnier if things didn't seem so obviously satyrical. Remember, the only funnier than a good joke is an INSIDE joke.
That had to be one of the most epic scripts I have read on YWS yet! I definitly like the whole Twilight bashing, Harry Potter advocating feeling to this scripts and my favourite part had to be the forks! Spoons? That was pretty epic!
Awesome job Meep:)
tori1234 wrote:Loved it! I love just about anything that makes fun of Twilight in favor of J.K. Rowling (aka a female Albert Einstein with better hair)
Heehee. That was brilliant! I especially loved "Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at Hogsmeade.
H: *Eyes him condescendingly* Fine. And there’s no such word as ‘badder’.
E: Why are you talking about bladders? "
and
"I’m too useless to die! "
and
"Jacob: Bells baby! Come here! Cross over to the reservoir so that I can sweep you into my arms and kiss you so passionately against your own will, that readers start gagging, and declare my undying devotion until Renesmee appears, then dump you for her.
Bella: You idiot! Can’t you see that I’m running?
Jacob: *gapes* Are you eloping with some child?! I didn’t know you’re into younger men! I’m younger than you too! Take me with you!
Bella: Jake, you stupid, stupid, blind dodo. There is a crazy vampire trying to eat me! Call Sam and the pack to risk their lives for me because I am so awesome! I’m an indispensable character unlike them!"
Loved it!
lol im using this as my signature
topic43860.html
Laughter is good for your health. Hopefully it makes you laugh.
Not for the Twilight Lovers.
Written in a hurry
----------
J.K Rowling: This is all your fault, you know.
Stephenie Meyer: *whines* Why is it my fault? You’re the one who wrote Harry Potter!
Rowling: Before Twilight existed, you moron.
*The two women bicker pointlessly on whose fault it is that Harry ended up in Forks and Edward ended up in Hogwarts. We all know that Meyer doesn’t stand a chance.*
In what should have been Harry’s third year at Hogwarts…*POOF!*
E: *looks around, dazed* Woah…the Volturi sure jazzed up their house.
*Hermoine taps him on his shoulder*
Hermoine: Hi there, I’m Hermoine Granger, smart-aleck extraordinaire!
*Flashes a smile showing her teeth*
E: You look like a beaver.
Hermoine: *sputters, fumes and whips out her wand, pointing it at Edward* I’ll show you beaver! Giganto Bucktoofus!
E: *Whips out his pocket mirror which he uses to flatter his vanity* Oh emm gee! I look like a walrus! Not a beaver!
H: *scoffs* That’ll teach you to mess with a genius.
E: What kind of genius confuses a beaver for a walrus? My Bella is a genius too! She takes AP Biology and did a mitosis stages experiment with whitefish blastula! BLASTula, you know!
H: *snorts delicately and removes the curse. For now.* Big deal. She’s a muggle.
E: Muggle? OH! You mean Muggle-Wumps, from Roald Dahl’s The Twits right? My girl isn’t a monkey!
H: No, but you’re the twit.
E: *frowns and prepares to give her a long lecture on his boring decades of repeating school over and over again. Oh, and how hot he is.*
Professor McGonagall: Edward, would you come here please? I shall take you to Professor Dumbledore’s office. You need to get sorted and begin your third-year classes as soon as possible.
E: *follows after her* Uhh... okay. But who’s Prof Dumblydoor?
H: Dumbledore, you idiot. Dumbledore!
E: Fine. No need to get your knickers in a twist.
*Hermoine glowers at him*
McG: Miss Granger, you come along as well. I have to rush off for my Transparent lessons. I’ll need you to show our new student to his house. Whichever it may be.
E: Woah! I get my own pad? Wicked!
H: Honestly, is there a brain in that head of yours? Oh, and Professor, don’t you mean Transfiguration lessons?
McG: No, Mondays are my Transparent lessons. Ghosts need to learn how to blend in with their surroundings, you know. Nearly Headless Nick is much better than the other ghosts. At least he doesn’t use his head as a bowling ball like the others do.
H: He doesn’t have the choice, ma’am.
*After McG recites the password, Snotsicle, the gargoyles make way and the trio enter the office.*
*Dumbledore stands there, wearing a bright flashy pink robe*
Dumbledore: Oh hello children! I was just about to leave. I have an 'appointment' with Gellert. Do I look okay?
McG: Ah yes, Grindelwald. Tell him I said ‘go to hell’ for me, will you? We’re here to sort our new third year student into his new house.
*leans down to whisper into Hermoine’s ear*
Albus is an almost-out-of-the-closet gay.
H: Oooh, gossip.
*Edward sits on a stool and McG places the tattered Sorting Hat on his head*
E: This hat totally cramps my style.
H: Deal with it, bozo.
Sorting Hat: Interesting. Very interesting. Where should I put you… Hufflepuff? Gri-
E: Hufflepuff? Is that some kind of pastry or fungus? Eww…I don’t want to live in a mushroom.
H: Do not interrupt the Sorting Hat!
Sorting Hat: Ah yes. A dare devil. Loves to put his girlfriends in peril. Very well, better be…GRYFFINDOR!
H: Of all the bloody luck.
McG: Ah, Gryffindor. *Sentimentally wipes non-existent tear from her eye* I am head of the Gryffindor house.
E: *hops around eagerly* Oooh! What kind of house did I get??
H: Oh it’s a three-storey mansion with solid gold furniture and an infinity pool plus Jacuzzi.
E: *eye widen into huge orbs* Really???
H: *Rolls eyes* Why me? Why did he have to be placed in the same house as me?
E: Eww!!! I have to share a house with her? I might get cooties! It’s contagious.
H: *glares* You’re lucky I don’t ask Fred & George to put you into the broom cupboard like they did with Marcus Flint.
*After parting ways with McG, Hermoine heads for first period Defense Of The Dark Arts Class, while Edward stalks her.*
H: So who are you anyway?
E: *draws himself up proudly* I, am Edward Cullen. Resident Hot Bod.
H: You mean, Resident Hot Air.
*At this point, fan witches mysteriously appear and flock Edward*
Fan girl #963852 : *hyperventilates* Oh gawd, he’s hotter than Lockheart! Edward! Smile for us!
*Edward smiles ‘dazzlingly’*
Fan girl #1867396032 : Eww! There’s a garden growing on your teeth!
Edward: Oh sorry, that was some leftover spinach from lunch.
*Hermoine takes this opportunity to escape while he’s distracted*
~~~~~~~~~~
Defense Of The Dark Arts Lesson…
Professor Remus Lupin: Has anyone seen Harry?
Ronald Weasley: Nope. That last time I saw him, he said he was going to get himself almost-killed by Voldemort.
Lupin: *le gasp* Y-you said The Dark Lord’s name!
H: Hey… only Death Eaters call You-Know-Who the ‘Dark Lord’.
*Lupin’s eyes dart around suspiciously*
*In the background, Ron sings Voldemort’s in a terrible falsetto*
E: Why are you looking at us like that for? You’re the one who called him the Duck Lord. And what’s a Death Eater? Ooh! Do they go around saying: Rawr, I eat Death for breakfast?
H: The Dark Lord, you loser! What’s wrong with your hearing?! I think its your ear that’s growing the garden. Not your teeth.
Lupin: *clears throat nervously* Well, since our usual test dummy is missing in action, we’ll need a new volunteer.
*The rest of the Gryfiindors sabotage the newbie and point at him.*
Lupin: Come up here, boy. Prepare for hell!
*cackles evilly, turning off the lights and using a torch to light up his face*
E: *shrugs* Eh, I’m going to hell anyways. Might as well get it over with.
*Suddenly, his nose whiffs a pungent smell*
Who’s wearing Eau De Mutt?
Lupin: *narrows eyes* Leech.
E: *protests* I’m vegetarian!
Lupin: Oooh! The house elves came up with this delicious recipe for tofu ice cream, you know-
E: Not that kind of vegetarian. I drink animal blood. Not human blood. Though I must say, AB+ blood sure is tasty…
L: What kind of vegetarian is that, you filthy bloodsucker.
E: *finally realizes that Lupin is a lycanthrope* Oh great. Who let the dogs out?
*Ron fights the urge to sing that song*
H: Professor! I thought there was no such thing as vampires!
Lupin: Not in this parallel universe. He’s an alien.
Ron: You mean like Roswell?
*As a punishment for his insolence, the rest of the lesson is spent letting students blast Edward apart, only to watch his scattered parts crawl back together again.*
~~~~~~~~~~
After Herbology, on the way to Third period Potions…
E: *rubs ears* Oww… those baby Mandrakes really can’t sing… Just like Rosalie.
Emo-Gryffindor-Dude: That’s because they’re not singing. It’s the tortured screams of their black heart, signifying the hopelessness, empty vacuum of life, where we make sparkles with sticks of wood, but die anyway…
E: That doesn’t make any sense, dude.
EGD: What’s the point of making sense anyway? We’re all going to die anyway, and rot in the soil, our souls begging for mercy, the cries drowned by the devil's laughter as we are flung to the deepest pits of fiery hell… *floats off eerily*
H: Edwart! Over here!
*Edward’s poor hearing does not catch the insult, or his ego is just too big to notice*
*Hermoine thrusts a red robe in his arms.*
H: This is your Gryffindor robe. Wear it.
E: *sulks* But it doesn’t match my eyes! I’m vegetarian! Don’t you have those chic green ones that-
H: *cuts him off sharply, glowering at him* Do not mention wanting to be a low-down Slytherin. Our house rivals them.
E: *shrugs* Whatever. I forgot that my eyes are gold anyway. Hey! Do you think that those Huffle-
H: We are not Hufflepuff either. Wear it before I turn your hair blue.
E: Oooh, blue! Good idea! Do you think it’ll match my eyes?
*They finally settle down in the Dungeon, where Hermoine can stay far, far away from him.*
Malfoy: Who is the new guy? *snaps fingers and is suddenly surrounded by the Mafia*
H: What is the Mafia doing here?
Malfoy: Oh err, *snaps fingers again. The Mafia disperses and Crabbe & Goyle appear*
H: That’s more like it. The Gorilla Twins.
*Crabbe and Goyle crack their knuckles threateningly*
Professor Severus Snape: *glides in* Settle down, you pathetic, uneducated children. We are, sadly, acquainted and there is no need to bore me with your pitiful lives. Let’s get straight on with the lesson.
E: *raises his hand* Mr Severed Snake-
H: *screams in frustration, flinging hands wildly* It’s pronounced Severus Snape, stupid! *proceeds to utter a string of unprintable obscenities*
Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at Hogsmeade.
H: *Eyes him condescendingly* Fine. And there’s no such word as ‘badder’.
E: Why are you talking about bladders?
H: <Error: Text too vulgar to be displayed>
Malfoy: Impressive.
Snape: Enough bickering. Would you wrap up your interruption, Mr-
E: I’m Edward, a transfer student from a parallel universe. Or at least that’s what Professor Loopy said. I just wanted to tell you, that you put too much powder on your face, Mister Snap sir. It makes you all pale and sickly. You gotta have my good looks to be able to carry it off. Oh, and you put way too much gel in your hair. Its like, all like, greasy.
Snape: *advances menacingly*…That, is my natural skin colour and hair.
<Error: Text is too violent, bloody, icky and gory to be displayed>
Ron: Poor sap. At least Harry met Voldemort.
@@@@@@@@@@
This is the scene where Bella and Edward are supposed to escape from James.
*POOF!*
Harry: Volde- Huh?!?
Bella: Ohmygodohmygod. Where is my Edward-honeybun-cutie-pie-loveydovey-sweetheart? James is after me!!! He says I smell like lasagna!
Harry: *drool* Mmmm….lasagna…*more salivation*
Bella: You fool! This is the unbelievable, yet bestseller Twilight book, not The Simpsons! And I’m supposed to smell like strawberry…
Harry: Excuse me, why are we running?
Bella: Because that freaky vamp dude is gonna snack on me! I’m too useless to die!
Harry: Uh-huh. So I should care…why?
Bella: I’m the useless damsel in distress and you’re supposed to be my knight in shining armour! Don’t you know that’s how romance novels work???
Harry: *still running* ARGH. R-r-r-r-romance?! It burns!!! I’m allergic to romance! I’m a boy, for goodness sake! Get me out of here! Accio Firebolt!
*Nothing happens. No broomstick to the rescue*
Where in the world am I?
Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
Bella: Now’s not the time to play Marco Polo! I’m getting tired of running! You’re supposed to carry me because I’m the pathetic girl whose life depends on some hot guy becoming her slave!
Harry: You’re not the boss of me!
Bella: Ugh! You’re like…like a child!
Harry: I am a child, dolt.
Bella: No wonder! My boyfriend is almost a hundred.
Harry: Woah. I see that you’re into older men.
Jacob: Bells baby! Come here! Cross over to the reservoir so that I can sweep you into my arms and kiss you so passionately against your own will, that readers start gagging, and declare my undying devotion until Renesmee appears, then dump you for her.
Bella: You idiot! Can’t you see that I’m running?
Jacob: *gapes* Are you eloping with some child?! I didn’t know you’re into younger men! I’m younger than you too! Take me with you!
Bella: Jake, you stupid, stupid, blind dodo. There is a crazy vampire trying to eat me! Call Sam and the pack to risk their lives for me because I am so awesome! I’m an indispensable character unlike them!
Harry: Uhh, we can stop running now?
Bella: Why? I don’t want to get eaten! I’m too precious!
Harry: I zapped the dude into oblivion, like…ten minutes ago.
Bella: Gosh! Are you some kind of wizard? Like J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter?
Harry: I am Harry Potter!
Bella: B-but! You’re not supposed to be here! You don’t exist in real life?
Harry: I-I’m not? My life is a big lie? Oh noooo...
*rips out hair*
Bella: Superstrength! Cool! …Oh, and you’re bald.
Harry: That’s okay. I can fix it. *whips out wand* Hairo Repairo!
*A thick, bushy beard sprouts*
Oh God! I look like I have Hermoine’s head on my chin!
Bella: I’d strongly recommend a Gillette Mach 1000. It has one more blade than the Mach 999! Amazing, ain’t it?
Harry: *ignores her* Barberatzo Shaverato!
Bella: *groans*What kind of lame spell was that?
Harry: The kind that a writer comes up with because she’s not as creative as Rowling. *The beard disappears and his head hair grows back again*
Bella: Ooooh! Sparkly! Do it again!
Harry: What’s sparkly?
Bella: I saw shiny-shiny coming out of your twig!
Harry: That is my wand. And sparks come out whenever I cast a spell. No big deal.
Bella: Do it again! *claps hands*
Harry: Fine! *flick his wand lazily at himself*
*sparkles descend on him*
Bella: Oh. My. Gawd. You’re shinier than Edward! You’re like a…like whatever is more glittery than a diamond!
Harry:…
Bella: *grabs Harry’s hands* Oh Harry! Will you marry me?
Harry: Yucky! No way! Why would I do that?!
Bella: Because you’re more sparkly than my scintillating now-ex-boyfriend Edward and I’m so shallow that I only care about shiny sparkles. If you marry me, I promise I’ll call you sweet names like my Harry deary peachcakes sweetstuff honeybunny heart heart love love loveydovey fuzzywuzzy-
Harry: *covers his ears* Argh! Shut up! Your senseless girly chatter is making my ears bleed! *Bella continues to babble*
Alright, alright! I’ll marry you if you shut up!
~~~~~~~~~~
The Quibbler
Unholy Matrimony – Xenophillius Lovegood
It has come to this my attention that our famous ‘The Boy Who Lived’, was almost wed to a Muggle, Isabella Swan.
What would shock us the most is that Miss Swan, is the fictious character of an amateur novel entitled Twilight. How our beloved Harry Potter landed in this parallel universe, we do not know. But I have reason to believe that this is the doing of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which Potter must have encountered. My further studies into these fascinating creatures show that they are able to teleport matter to random locations. This is a breakthrough in my research, proving my hypothesis that it is able to teleport complex living organisms. How marvelous!
But back to the matter of Harry’s wedding, it seems that our bride has two left feet. For as she stumbled ungracefully down the aisle, the bride accidentally tripped over absolutely nothing, and tumbled onto a carpet full of sharp knives.
We do not have evidence or clues as to who may have placed the cutlery there. However, my sources claim that it was the work of some radical teenage girls from the “Potter’s Princesses” Fan group, who were hovering nearby, planning Miss Swan’s unfortunate demise.
One good thing has surfaced from this though. Potter fanatics may rejoice, for our boy is once again, a very eligible bachelor.
~~~~~~~~~~
The Daily Prophet
J.K Rowling Triumphs! – Rita Skeeter
Sources have cited that the epic battle between our esteemed Creator, Joanne Kathleen Rowling and Stephenie, a nobody whose beginner’s luck catapulted her to fame, is over, with the odds in Rowling’s favour.
While Meyer slapped blindly at the air like a powerless Squib, Rowling threw some skillful punches, breaking a number of Meyer’s nails, who became hysterical.
Meyer then proceeded to wail: “Why are there no tabloid newspaper reporters and paparazzi?! I need attention! Pay attention to me!!!
As photographers swarmed to the scene, like bees to honey, our clever Creator whipped out a trusty pen, and while Meyer posed for pictures, and flung it at her, rendering her unconscious.
The pen indeed, is mightier than the sword.
While this matter is resolved, another remains. This reporter wonders, just where is our dear Harry Potter?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaha
hahahahhahahahahh
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahha
hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahah
hahahahahaha
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeheheeeeehehe
heheehehehheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheheh
muaaaaaaahahahahamuahahahamauahahhahahayayhahahha
best thing ever!
hahahahahhahahjahahajjahahahahahah
chokes**
JS<DVIOASDGYUHasdh has hyper attack**
hahahahahahahahahahha
falls on floor and into hell!**
loloolololololololololololololol!
i only got u to ''vampires dont exist!''' but still!!
hahahahahha heeeheheheheheeeeeeeeeehehehehhe
gold star
i wish i could give u 10 tho....
hahahaha
bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
*laughs hysterically for a long time like a deranged idiot crazy person*
LOVE THIS!!!
That. Was. I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E!
Absolutely hilarious. One of the best things I've ever read!
I saw shiny-shiny coming out of your twig!
oh yeah,. I accidentally skipped a line when read it, i did find that a bit weirdly written. I guess i had a major brain fart.
all i can say is
hi-lar-i-ous
well not all i could say. It was well written with just the right amount of humor placed in to make it not to boring but not a line of joke on joke on joke, you were able to combine the humor with good dialogue. i loved Th end where she feel on the knives, but i wish you would have said the brat had died.
Bash on Twilight!
Bash on Twilight!
Thank goodness you wrote that! That was really funny and relieving! There are too many Twilight fans at my school, so I practically hear about it every day. Also, the fact that you combined it with Harry Potter and parodied both of them made it just better.
Keep up the funny work! Ha ha ha....*keeps laughing out of sheer joy as he walks into the distance*.
Oh. My. God. Meep, you are amazing. I mean, mutilating Bella is just about the best thing in the world, now, isn't it? And poking fun at Edward isn't too bad either.
This is hilarious. xD
That was priceless. Hilarious! xD My favorite part:
"Forks."
"Spoons?"
Because my friend called the Quillette (however you spell it) reservation spoons xD. I don't know, it just made me laugh xD.
*high-fives meep*
Well I loved it! I think the authors versus each other wasn't as funny but I loved the Edward Potter Harry Cullen. It was hilarious and I think I almost peed (too much information...) But I loved it! I think you captured Bella and Jacob perfectly! I loved her just babeling on about how she was too useless to die and some one had to come save her. Man I think you got her personality better than Meyer did! I loved it!
-Tab
I sent it to my friend and sister by email because I think that they will love it as much as I did!!
Oh. My. GOD. XD that was so so funny! i do think its sad that you bagged on Twilight a little to much, but it was funny enough for me to get over that. u jus put me in a very good mood!
Oh. My. GOD. XD that was so so funny! i do think its sad that you bagged on Twilight a little to much, but it was funny enough for me to get over that. u jus put me in a very good mood! 
HAHAHA oh my god that was HILARIOUS! I sent it to my friend and sister by email because I think that they will love it as much as I did!! Amazing job! You really know how to make a story!
Thanks for your comments!
You guys made me smile
~Its been my goal all along to make you guys laugh.
Mwahahahahahahah god I've got a stomach ache! Yeah, I luved twilight for a while, but so did I harry Potter^^. Anyhoo I'm over it. But I still find J.K Rowlings writing isn't really that good, and well, S. Meyer may not have any style at all, but at least its not really negative. Thanks for the laugh, Meep, it did me a load of good!!!
~sheepy
Ha, this was great! Such a fun read.
You, friend, are a genius! Thanks for putting a smile on my face.
-Cassie
This story is a good way to get a laugh!
Keep up the good work!
I did very, very much like it, but you've heard that a billion times, so here's my one nitpick:
*Dumbledore stands there, wearing a bright, flashy pink robe*
Dumbledore: Oh, hello, children! I was just about to leave. I have an 'appointment' with Gellert. Do I look okay?
McG: Ah yes, Grindelwald. Tell him I said ‘go to hell’ for me, will you? We’re here to sort our new third year student into his new house.
*leans down to whisper into Hermoine’s ear*
Albus is an almost-out-of-the-closet gay.
Ha, Meep! Again one of these loveydovey stories you do! They're great!
Although you kept misspelling 'Hermione'...
Luckily there was also some of Malfoy, he rocks. I also hoped there would've been some American English/British English contrast, because Edward is American, right? Like how Hermione and he wouldn't understand each other because of some different words they use, or something like that.
Sorting Hat: Ah yes. A dare devil. Loves to put his girlfriends in peril. Very well, better be…GRYFFINDOR!
Professor Severus Snape: *glides in* Settle down, you pathetic, uneducated children.
You’re like a…like whatever is more glittery than a diamond!
!
Meep = Genius!
I swear, this was the most brilliant piece of Twilight and Harry Potter fanfiction (or something like that) that I have ever read! You had me laughing for five minutes straight, especially the part with Lupin and the newspaper articles. I couldn't find any fault in this. And good luck, Meep!
E: I’m Edward, a transfer student from a parallel universe. Or at least that’s what Professor Loopy said. I just wanted to tell you, that you put too much powder on your face, Mister Snap sir. It makes you all pale and sickly. You gotta have my good looks to be able to carry it off.
Snape: *advances menacingly*…That, is my natural skin colour.
As photographers swarmed to the scene, like bees to honey, our clever Creator whipped out a trusty pen, and while Meyer posed for pictures, and flung it at her, rendering her unconscious.
Haha! You win at life.
The Stephanie Meyer vs. JK Rowling was a bit overdone and not as funny, but the whole Harry Potter and Edward Cullen thing was hilarious. XD Also, if Edward is like this in the Twilight series, I am going to get those books. It looks HILARIOUS.
*stars*
To those who didn't like it (especially for one particular reason):
Gosh, I'm sorry!
I noted that it was a bit heavy on the insult...
~I'm glad that at least some of you got a laugh from it. That's what I was aiming for.
Jacob: Bells baby! Come here! Cross over to the reservoir so that I can sweep you into my arms and kiss you so passionately against your own will, that readers start gagging, and declare my undying devotion until Renesmee appears, then dump you for her.
While Meyer slapped blindly at the air like a powerless Squib, Rowling threw some skillful punches, breaking a number of Meyer’s nails, who became hysterical.
Meyer then proceeded to wail: “Why are there no tabloid newspaper reporters and paparazzi?! I need attention! Pay attention to me!!!
As photographers swarmed to the scene, like bees to honey, our clever Creator whipped out a trusty pen, and while Meyer posed for pictures, and flung it at her, rendering her unconscious.
The pen indeed, is mightier than the sword.
Haha! Meep this was awesome! I've never read Twilight but I think it is waaayyy overrated. I find vampires soo boring.
I couldn't stop laughing and I think my family must have thought me crazy. I can't even say which part was my favourite.
Thanks for the good laugh Meep.
Meadow
E: Oooh, blue! Good idea! Do you think it’ll match my eyes?
Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
Harry: That’s okay. I can fix it. *whips out wand* Hairo Repairo!
*A thick, bushy beard sprouts*
Oh God! I look like I have Hermoine’s head on my chin!
For as she stumbled ungracefully down the aisle, the bride accidentally tripped over absolutely nothing, and tumbled onto a carpet full of sharp knives.
We do not have evidence or clues as to who may have placed the cutlery there. However, my sources claim that it was the work of some radical teenage girls from the “Potter’s Princesses” Fan group, who were hovering nearby, planning Miss Swan’s unfortunate demise.
Oh my gosh, Meep this was hilarious! I love Harry Potter and like Twilight. But I'm not a big fan of Bella in the book. This was my favorite part I'm not sure why but:
Bella: *groans*What kind of lame spell was that?
Harry: The kind that a writer comes up with because she’s not as creative as Rowling. *The beard disappears and his head hair grows back again*
Bella: Ooooh! Sparkly! Do it again!
Harry: What’s sparkly?
Bella: I saw shiny-shiny coming out of your twig!
Harry: That is my wand. And sparks come out whenever I cast a spell. No big deal.
Bella: Do it again! *claps hands*
Harry: Fine! *flick his wand lazily at himself*
*sparkles descend on him*
Bella: Oh. My. Gawd. You’re shinier than Edward! You’re like a…like whatever is more glittery than a diamond!
Harry:…
Bella: *grabs Harry’s hands* Oh Harry! Will you marry me?
Harry: Yucky! No way! Why would I do that?!
Bella: Because you’re more sparkly than my scintillating now-ex-boyfriend Edward and I’m so shallow that I only care about shiny sparkles. If you marry me, I promise I’ll call you sweet names like my Harry deary peachcakes sweetstuff honeybunny heart heart love love loveydovey fuzzywuzzy-
Harry: *covers his ears* Argh! Shut up! Your senseless girly chatter is making my ears bleed! *Bella continues to babble*
Alright! I’ll marry you if you shut up!
I didn't like it ._.
Made fun of Twilight way too much
which was the initial point I suppose.
Stop hating on Twilight x.x, They should
be compared cause they're 2 completely different
books, not alike in any way :/. Sorry to debate ><.
Loved it! I love just about anything that makes fun of Twilight in favor of J.K. Rowling (aka a female Albert Einstein with better hair)
But I have reason to believe that this is the doing of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which Potter must have encountered.
Meep.
You.
Are.
A.
Genius.
That was possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read! I'm actually nearly crying with laughter over here! Edward! And Bella! Fantastic...
I loved it more than... well, lasagne (I'm supposed to smell like a strawberry!)
It was just... I can't even pick my favourite part. Just... fantastic.
Stel x
Meep that was incredibly funny!
My favorite part was:
Harry: Excuse me, why are we running?
Bella: Because that freaky vamp dude is gonna snack on me! I’m too useless to die!
Harry: Uh-huh. So I should care…why?
Bella: I’m the useless damsel in distress and you’re supposed to be my knight in shining armour! Don’t you know that’s how romance novels work???
Harry: *still running* ARGH. R-r-r-r-romance?! It burns!!! I’m allergic to romance! I’m a boy, for goodness sake! Get me out of here! Accio Firebolt!
*Nothing happens. No broomstick to the rescue*
Where in the world am I?
Bella: *pants* Forks!
Harry: Spoon?
Oh Meep that was absolutely hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing! My Dad had to come in to ask me if I was ok because I probably sounded like I'd gone insane.
I love this:
I saw shiny-shiny coming out of your twig!
Yucky! No way! Why would I do that?!
120,616 Literary Works • 651,092 Reviews
Points: 15421
Reviews: 158
Donate