Denatured - The Prologue.

I like this peice. I definatly want to read more. What happens! What is the shout from? I loved this and I will so totally read more. Good Luck!

(P.S- If this was gonna be rated, I'd give it a 9.9)

Hey Thought I'd review this lovely prologue for you.
I'll put in bold how I think it could be improved.

I'll never forget the day Ant was taken from me...[I don't think the ellipsis is necessary]

"Yoink!" [Is that meant to be the noise of him snatching the hat? Because if it is, it should be in italics, not in quotation marks.]

"Hey! Come on Anthony, that's not fair. Give it back!"

[I think it's evident from the previous line that she's laughing] He rolled away from me on his stomach[Not necessary] to avoid me claiming the black hat he held tightly in his grip. [Rather make this two sentences.] He covered himself with freshly cut grass in the process.
"Dammit," he giggled, but didn't reconcile his grasp on MY[Rather use italics to accentuate words] hat. I pouted but it made no difference. He distracted me - no doubt on purpose - by wrapping his left[[Does it really matter which arm it is? ] arm around my waist and grinning so magnificently it knocked the breath out of me.

"So," Casually Ant leantleaned back on his arm and set my hat down over his perfect mess of dark hair, "What's the story this evening then? Where is it you said Charlie and Travis were headed?"
"Walton. That new place on Carlisle Street. We're meeting them for a drink or two. That's ok[Either write the whole word (okay) or use the abbreviation (OK)] , right?"
"Double dating.. [Just one full stop]" A slow smile spread over [across, rather?] his face. "I like the sound of that. I also like the sound of getting to spend the rest of today with you....[Again, only one full stop]" he was fiddling with the corner of my jacket, pretending to be innocent and embarrassed in the hope he was being cute. And that if he was cute, he might get to stay around a little longer..[Just one.]
Well no, Ant wasn't being cute. He was being adorable. I watched his fingers playing with the zip, and time seemingly slowedseemed to slow down around us. Indeed it may have stopped exisitingexisting altogether apart from that moment.

When time started up again, any witty comebacks I could have made had completely left my brain. All I managed to mumble was, "Yeah, awesome."
Another dazzling grin in response. I reminded myself to breathe.
"Yay," he beamed and clapped his hands together.
I lay down on the ground and closed my eyes to avoid staring directly at the summer sun. I could hear the sound of cars whoosing on concrete, the road that lay next to this open field, which was ours, all ours.
Ant’s silence told me I was being watched intently. Mainly because he was rarely, RARELY[italics, not capitals] quiet. I waited for him to shuffle closer, and play with my hair, or kiss my neck, or --
Kiss me full on the lips like he was doing? I was surprised at the sudden desperation but[replace with and] tenderness in his kisses, one after the other. His arms held me close and his fingers raked through my hair and across my back. It could have been a full five minutes before I was released, and Anthony rolled onto his side, interlocking his fingers with mine. I looked into his nebulous eyes, striking against his pale skin, yet still illuminated with…hope? Happiness? Bliss???Only one question mark And yet I swear at that moment they were blacker, more serious than they had ever been before. But maybe it’s the whole importance of this memory to me playing games with my mind, enhancing things, exaggerating things. Still unable to let go.

“You know how much I love you, Ren, right? You know I’m going to love you forever and always, and never let you go, no matter what…?” Ant drifted off, pausing in his little speech. If it was indeed a speech.
Suddenly I had a very strong, very worrying feeling I was being watched. I shook it off, and I wish I hadn’t now. I really wish I hadn’t ignored that feeling.
I looked into his eyes again, and it was like they were touching too, interlocking like our fingers, tracing skin, not speaking and yet understanding everything, like telepathy but stronger, deeper, wordless.

Ant breathed, shattering the glass that had formed on the surface of the air, sending dust into the sunbeams.[<- love that line] He brushed back a curl of inky blue hair back from my eyes and swept the rest of my hair behind my ears. Then he sat up and pulled me with him. My hat still sat proudly on top of his head. It looked better on him. All the time I had known this man, once a boy, both of us once clumsy children not knowing what each other had, he was still just the boy that got the same bus from one road to the next. He was still the same boy, just so much more. And he loved me. It had been hard work getting him to melt, but once he did…

I never regretted asking him to move in with me. If I’d let him go[,] I don’t know what I’d have done without him. Only he was taken from me anyway. Because suddenly, in the midst of our tender embraces, was a very loud shout. It all happened slowly, it should have happened quickly but those torturing moments lasted longer than any of the sweet kisses.

Oooo. OOO.

Can I marry Ant? Please?

Thankies Yay, I shall continue then.

Ah, you'll have to wait... Ren's full name will be revealed (when I write the first chapter).

Yeah Ant's just cool like that
Shame he won't be around for a little while though, in person anyway :O

Kl, I will read your next Look Left Preview asap.

Ah i love it!

I really enjoyed ant's character, he seems like a little boy teenager, more than a man, but whenyouy talked about moving in with him i saw i was wrong... still, i like the idea of him being older, yet acting younger.

Whats the characters name? Ren sdounds like an abbreviation, ive never heard it before, though, i'm intrigued

As usual, i'm doing my language comment thing and ignoring all grammar, because, as you can see, i suck at that

Also ive put up anotheer Look Left preview so read away...

Ella
XOX