elephantwalrus

I know the metaphor is a little....goofy, but I kinda meant it to be. What can I do to make this piece better?

I really liked this! Often, I felt that the last line of each stanza didn't quite fit as far as meter goes, but other than that, it was a good ...

I think this is a cool idea, but you need to expand on it. There is so much more that you could do with this poem! If you have other ...

Why thank you! :D I will continue to work on this. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

Thank you for reading it :). I'm making a physical portfolio of my better this alright to put in there, or is it just too dull?

This is a really creative poem! I honestly really like the rhyme scheme here. The last three lines were a bit too ambiguous, in my opinion, but all in all ...

Well, I will continue to work on it. Thank you everyone for your time, criticisms, and encouragements!

Is there anything I could do to make this better, or is it fine as is?

Lol! I'm going to be skipping around my house for the next four hours singing that! It was really funny, and that's what I like most :o

Yea, my original thought was hieroglyphs, but pyramid makes sense, too. :D Did it flow ok? I was distracted when I wrote it, and I'm not sure how it holds ...

Thanks for reading it! I will definitely take another go at this poem when I'm more awake and there is indeed a sun outside, striking the crimson leaves on the ...

No problem. You have some fantastic rhymes in this song, it's just that one was off. It was a great first draft, though.

Alright, I worked on it some more. Here it goes again: This page is too white to write on, To defile with the strokes of this pen. The ink mars ...

Thanks for the critique! Would the song be more consistent if I changed the "and when you needed me I walked away" to "turned away"?

Hey, thanks for the input, guys! I've been trying to work out the last two lines in the first stanza, and the very last line, and I'm not sure if ...