Published October 16, 2007
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
ahahaha, I knew I would like you
**clears throat puts on her cynical critic hat**
Not drastically devoid of delight. I appreciate the nod to TS Eliot, Lewis Carroll, and early Peter Carey. This occurs to me foremost though as an appropriation of "Khubla Khan", again confronting the pursuit of the poetic muse.
The cliches you use are v tongue in cheek and frothy, they work for you in a vaguely pop art kind of way.
So all that is good.
Your rhythm though, what the heck is that about? If you're going to get stuck into the traditional AA BB rhyming mind your rhythm, your stresses, your sonics.
These lines are particularly cumbersome rhythm wise. Read it aloud, get your stresses straight.
But other than that nitpicking, fine family fun. I give this three purple grape and a my little pony.
This is a really creative poem! I honestly really like the rhyme scheme here. The last three lines were a bit too ambiguous, in my opinion, but all in all it's a very nice poem.
Merry Writing!