dragonfphoenix

Your rhythm is off in these lines "You love him/ He doesn't love you". I think if you put punctuation in this poem, it might help the reading flow. Example: ...

All right, Knight Dragon here to review once again. This line: "However, my mom makes it very clear that when I get home; she wants answers." You have a semi-colon ...

Hello, Knight Dragon here to review (you said not to peek before this was read). Well, here we go. This is the only sentence that I really don't like, technically ...

All right, Knight Dragon here to review. This sentence, "I have tattoos too, all the way up my arms.", is just thrown in that paragraph unnecessarily. If we really need ...

Knight Dragon here to review! All right, the poem had good flow up until "Homework being done in study halls./The gossip of people". These two lines just threw me because ...

Hello, and welcome to YWS!!! Knight Dragon of the Knights of the Green Room here to review. All right, this "It will Make up for later", I think the "Make" ...

All right, quick thoughts. The first two lines "Walking on the road,/Felt a cold drop fall on me." felt a little awkward because of the grammar. I got the gist, ...

Well, since we've had our little discussion about comma splices, I'll leave those alone (although they do exist in this paragraph as well). So on to the technical of this ...

It's time for *drumroll* a REVIEW!!! All right, here we go. Technical stuff first. "I stand up, my head looking at my mangled hand while it’s trembles violently", your "it's ...

I liked how this piece pointed out how much most school children take for granted. People really don't stop to think about what they do have, and the time they ...

All right, here we go. "so don't take your self away", "your self" should be one word. "The gloom and the grey, will all just fade away...one day." This sentence ...

Well, here we go. Technical first. With this, "we’re not adjectives, nor nouns or pronouns", if you're going to use the "nor", then the "or" should actually be a "nor" ...

All right, technical things. "For a moon is steady, silent and secretive." You used "a" instead of "the", which is what you used in the preceding line. That threw me ...

What does this sentence mean? "I suppose I should be surprised, but 111 of being a demigod can certainly ruin that much". The 111 makes no sense, grammatical or otherwise. ...

Reviewing as I go, so I can adequately review without losing what I wanted to point out. "Ben decided to wonder how he'd landed upright from a hole facing the ...