E - Everyone

The Alder King

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The blue glass vase popped out of the rabbit hole, and rolled to Ben's foot. He wondered if it was magical. It had been dug out of the Mound, after all. Everyone knew that the was Mound hiding an entrance to the Fae Lands.

Sheba, his pet kitten, poked her head out of the hole, hoping to chase the pretty blue thing she'd found. Ben sighed in relief, and picked her up. She loved sleeping inside his jacket, so he dropped her in and zipped it up.

He picked up the blue vase, and took it home.

*

Feeling glad that Sheba had escaped while his parents were out, Ben placed Sheba into her bed, before carrying the blue vase into the sitting room. Should it go on the mantelpiece, next to Granny Vase?

He decided no, as his mother liked Granny Vase to be alone on the mantelpiece. Granny Vase was given to Ben's mother some time back, and she loved it, often speaking about it as if it were Granny herself. So he went to move the blue vase, but it slipped through his fingers and smashed on the floor.

Glancing over his shoulder to make sure he was still alone, he carefully pushed the shards behind the basket of wood next to the fire. He then heard the back door swing open. His parents surely wouldn't be back yet, and they never used the back door.

He heard heavy, crunching footsteps approaching the sitting room. The door swung open, and a strange creature stepped through. It was man shaped, slender and tall. It looked wooden, textured like a pine cone. It was wearing a tall glass crown.

“Who are you?” Ben asked steadily. He was afraid, but determined not to show it.

“I am the Alder King, the person you stole a vase from,” he said smoothly. “Just give it back and we'll say no more about it.”

“It got broke,” said Ben, looking away.

“I see,” he said coldly. His eyes flickered to the mantelpiece, and he saw Granny Vase.

“You can't take that!” said Ben quickly.

The Alder King sneered. He picked up Granny Vase, and left before Ben could stop him.

*

Ben had always wanted to visit the Fae Lands, but everyone knew that it was impossible to go there without good reason. Well, he had to rescue Granny Vase!

He put a little collar and leash onto Sheba, and went back out to the Mound.

“Lead the way,” he whispered to her. “You went there once, even if it was an accident.”

She instantly tugged on the leash, pulling Ben toward one of the many rabbit holes and disappeared down it. Ben wondered how he was meant to fit, and prodded it with his foot. He fell through as if it were a gaping hole.

Sliding down a muddy chute, he gripped onto Sheba's leash, so they wouldn't get separated. He then stumbled to his feet. Behind him was a hole large enough to jump into. Ben decided to wonder how he'd landed upright from a hole facing the sky later. He dropped Sheba into her favourite place in his coat, and set off.

Welcome to the Alderlands said an old road sign.

He looked at the road, which split off in two directions – to the left were some hills, a forest, and what looked like an ocean; to the right was a castle, surrounded by a big wall.

Well, thought Ben. If the Alder King lived anywhere, it would be in the castle. So he followed the pathway, and came to the door. It was stone, and had the front end of a Sphinx growing out of it.

“Um, can I come in the castle please?” Ben asked.

The Sphinx looked at him coolly, and said “you cannot enter the castle without answering my riddle.”

“Please let me in, I just need to find my Granny Vase,” pleaded Ben. “I won't be long.”

The breath of a troll. The hunger of a cat,” said the Sphinx.

“Well?” said Ben.

“That's the riddle,” said the Sphinx. “You don't have to answer right away, you can go away to mull it over. But you cannot pass until you give me an answer.”

Ben nodded, and walked off thoughtfully. Someone in the Alderlands must be able to answer the riddle.

He decided to see if he could find anyone in the forest, so set off through the hills. Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was a tiny little thing, waving desperately. A squirrel! When it saw Ben had noticed, it beckoned.

As Ben got nearer, it lifted what Ben had taken to be the side of a hill, and disappeared beneath it. Ben lifted the same corner, and found it seemed to be a sheet of grass, covering the mouth of a cave. He stepped through.

The cave was full of squirrels, clouds of red and grey. He carefully made his way across the ground, trying not to step on any tails. He realised that the chattering squirrels were all facing the same direction, so he followed their gaze. There were two giant squirrels, one grey and one red, each on their own wooden throne.

“Um, hello,” Ben said. “I don't suppose any of you know the answer to the Sphinx's riddle?”

“It's true then!” said Red Squirrel. “You're here to kill the Alder King?”

“Well I don't want to kill anyone,” said Ben awkwardly. “I just want to get Granny Vase back!”

“We've been waiting for someone to get rid of the Alder King for a long time,” said Grey Squirrel. “He controls all animals, takes over their minds and uses them as puppets! If he got us, he'd have eyes everywhere, but this cave protects us.”

Ben thought about Sheba, and how he'd feel if the Alder King stole her body and mind. He then thought about how it would feel for Sheba, to not really be herself any more.

“I'll help you,” he said.

“And in return, we'll help you,” said Red. “We knew that eventually, a non-animal would arrive, who'd be out of the scope of the Alder King's power.”

“Call the Oakmay,” said Grey.

Chittering seemed to ripple through the clouds of squirrels, and from a hidden corner came a wooden squirrel. It was taller than Ben, and walking on its back legs, its tail unmoving.

“Oakmay isn't truly alive,” said Red, “and therefore not an animal, so he cannot be controlled by the Alder King.”

“Do you know anything about the Alder King that will be useful?” Ben asked.

“Sadly not,” said Grey. “Although … I know cats are forbidden from the Alderlands.”

“I have a pet cat,” said Ben, unzipping his jacket, so Sheba poked her head out.

“Don't let her be seen!” said Red. “The Alder King has ordered that any cats who are seen must be killed!”

“Right,” said Ben, zipping his jacket up.

*

“So where do you think we should go first?” asked Oakmay, as they left the hidden squirrel den.

“I don't know,” Ben admitted. “Maybe we should try to solve the riddle … are there any trolls around here?”

“There is one troll in the Alderlands,” said Oakmay. “He lives on a small island in the sea.”

“The one past the forest?”

“There are no others,” said Oakmay.

As they passed into the forest, they didn't notice the watching Dryad, a tree spirit which looked like it was made of bark. He clicked his fingers and turned into spores, which drifted straight the the Alder King.

*

Ahoolas were the only creatures in the Alderlands who willing became slaves of the Alder King. This was so their minds would no longer be their own, and they'd be free of the eternal hunger which filled their every thought, and never went away.

They looked a bit like a cross between a small dragon and a large bat, with long necks and fanged beaks.

The Dryad's spores reached the Alder King, and took shape.

“They've entered the forest,” he said, as soon as he had a mouth.

“They'll never solve the Sphinx's clue,” said the Alder King indifferently. “But I think I'll send some Ahoolas after them anyway.”

*

The forest was completely silent. Ben didn't know if that was more comforting or creepy. He sometimes thought he could see dark shapes in the distance, which always disappeared before he got close enough to see them clearly.

“Does anything live in this forest?” Ben asked.

“There are some Dryads,” said Oakmay. “But we don't need to worry too much about them. When the Alder King tried to take them over, they died because they were split from their tree, so he doesn't bother with them. But some still do as the Alder King says. This is the forest the squirrels lived in,” he added.

Ben was slightly reassured. There was another dark shape nearby which he was keeping an eye on, so didn't notice the Ahoola swoop down. Oakmay knocked Ben out of the way, so the Ahoola's claws harmless raked the ground.

Oakmay punched the Ahoola, and it staggered back. He thrust his fist toward it again, but it caught his hand in its beak. Ben tried to punch it, but hurt his hand more than the Ahoola. It let Oakmay's hand go and turned to Ben, and two more landed beside it.

As the Ahoolas closed in, Ben saw something bounding toward them. A creature with the head of a lion, body of a goat and a snail for a tail ran from the shadows, and knocked them all to the ground.

The first Ahoola tried to pick itself up, but the lion-goat-snake kicked it very hard, and it crashed into a tree. The other got bitten by the snake tail, and flopped to the ground. The other bravely hissed, but when it saw the lion grin, it thought better of trying anything and took flight.

“Will it attack us too?” whispered Ben to Oakmay.

“Not if that's what I think it is,” said Oakmay. “Are you Kimara?”

“Yes I am!” said the creature.

“Are you a Chimera?” Ben asked.

“Sort of,” said Oakmay. “I heard that the lions, goats and snakes had a meeting when the Alder King arrived, and somehow created a creature to represent them all, based on real Chimeras. They hoped he could destroy the Alder King.”

“But they didn't finish me,” said Kimara sadly. “They didn't give me knowledge, so I barely know anything without being told.”

“Why didn't they finish you?” Ben asked, although he thought he could guess.

“The Alder King took control of them all,” said Kimara. “So I was left in the woods, waiting for someone who knows more than I do, so I could help them.”

“Do you know where the Dryads are?” Oakmay asked.

“Ye-e-es, I do-oo”, said Kimara, taking Ben aback by the sudden change in voice.

When he saw Ben and Oakmay looking at him with curiosity, he explained, “when the Alder King tries to take control of me-ee, another of the three animals which make me up takes over. So now I'm speaking-”

“-as a goat?” said Ben, amused at the goat's braying voice coming from the lion's mouth.

Kimara was sniffing the trees as he passed. Eventually he seemed to find what he was looking for, as he reared up onto his back legs, and clopped his front hooves against the trunk, like he was knocking on a door.

With a rustle, what Ben had taken to be a large knot in the trunk took the shape of a squat little Dryad, and dropped to the ground. Kimara pinned it to the ground with his hoof.

“Tell us about the Alder King's riddle,” said Kimara, still with his goat voice.

“What riddle would this be?” said the Dryad, trying to sound tough.

The breath of a troll. The hunger of a cat,” Ben said.

“Well,” mused the Dryad, “I know the Sphinx hates the Alder King. I wouldn't put it past her to make the riddle a clue on how to defeat him.”

“So you think the answer to the riddle is 'how to defeat the Alder King'?” Ben asked.

“And he can be defeated by troll breath and a cat?” Oakmay asked.

“Yes and yes,” said the Dryad. “Can I go now?”

Kimara raised his hoof, and the Dryad dived back into his bark.

“Why would troll breath hurt the Alder King?” Ben asked.

“We'll have to ask the troll,” said Oakmay.

“What's that?” asked Kimara, pointing by poking his snake tail.

They'd reached the end of the forest, and beyond the trees was a giant spider. It was marching backward and forward. Ben wondered what it was about it that looked strange, and then he realised – it was made of hundreds, or maybe thousands of spiders, writhing together as a spider shaped mess.

“Legion Spider,” Oakmay muttered.

The Legion Spider's pacing was incredibly fast, Ben doubted they'd be able to sneak past without being noticed. Instead of turning around, it simply shifted its shape, so its back became its front.

“Could we outrun it?” Ben asked.

“No,” said Oakmay.

“Can we fight it?” Kimara asked.

“No,” said Oakmay again. “As I'm not really alive, it can't poison me. So I'll distract it, and you run past. I'll catch up.”

Oakmay bounced toward the Legion Spider, and aimed a punch at its middle. But it dispersed before his fist could reach it, and Oakmay fell to the ground, as he'd thrown all his weight into the punch.

Ben and Kimara tried to run past, but the Legion Spider instantly split into three. Ben saw Oakmay punch the part of the Legion Spider closing in on him, this time scattering it. One of the others ran past him, to Kimara. The final one pounced at Ben.

He could feel the individual spiders crawling all over him, under his clothes and toward his face. He clenched his mouth closed and tried not to breathe in. He could feel spiders biting him all over.

Kimara, ignoring his own spiders, bounded toward Ben. His tail whipped forward, each time his snake head snapped up a spider. The tail was moving so fast it was a blur, and Ben could feel the spiders running in panic.

Before long, all the remaining spiders on Ben retreated, along with those on Kimara. The spiders all returned to the Legion Spider.

Ben felt woozy, as the poison from all the spiders was taking effect. The Legion Spider loomed over them all. When Ben thought all was lost, a jet of grey light hit it in the middle. Nearly every spider was turned to stone, fused together in a big lump which fell to the ground.

The spiders which hadn't turned to stone ran for it.

A man with wild white hair ran up to Ben, and handed him a phial.

“Quick, drink this, it'll cure the poison.” He looked at the lump of stone which had been the Legion Spider. “I've been wanting to sort that thing out for a long time. Come with me. My name is Puddles.”

He took them to a long narrow tent, which was right near the sea. Inside were statues of all kinds of animals. The largest was in the middle, a huge turtle which had a flat shell covered in ridges.

“Did you turn all these animals to stone?” Ben asked uneasily.

“That I did,” said Puddles softly.

“But why?” Ben said.

“They were being controlled by the Alder King,” said Puddles simply. “I thought it was kinder to get them away from that. I'll release them once the Alder King is gone.”

“I think that when animals hibernate,” said Oakmay thoughtfully, “they have a couple of hours or so before the Alder King's control reaches them again. I wonder if it's the same with the stone spell.”

“What are you thinking?” asked Ben.

“The Field Troll lives on the island over the sea,” said Oakmay. “I don't think the waters would be safe for us to swim, but if we could borrow the Passenger Turtle...”

“I think I can do that for you,” said Puddles. “But please – bring him back before the two hours are over.”

*

Ben and Oakmay were clinging to the ridges of the Passenger Turtle's back, as it swam toward the island. Kimara was scared of slipping off, so he waited with Puddles.

“I always thought trolls were dangerous,” said Ben.

“Oh they are,” said Oakmay. “And this one is, I would imagine. But he hates the Alder King, and would do anything to stop him.”

The island was tiny – the Passenger Turtle could probably fit on it, and roll over twice before falling off the other side.

The Field Troll stood as if waiting for them. It looked a bit like a hedgehog, with green shaggy spikes running across its back, starting at its nose and ending at a stubby tail. It rest of it was mossy brown.

“Are you you hear to destroy the Alder King?” he asked, as soon as Ben and Oakmay set foot on the island.

“Yes, but we could use your help,” said Ben. “We wanted to ask if you could shed some light on the Sphinx's riddle? The breath of a troll. The hunger of a cat.

“I've only seen the Alder King once,” said the Field Troll thoughtfully. “And he looked as if he were made of pine cones. If a troll breathes on a pine cone, it will disintegrate, leaving nothing but a delicious berry. So maybe the breath of a troll will cause the Alder King to disintegrate.”

“Then can you come with us, and breathe on the Alder King?” Ben asked.

The Field Troll laughed, and said “if it were that simple, don't you think I'd have tried? If I went to mainland, every animal here would trample me flat! He hates me being here, because his animals were my food. Luckily he doesn't care about fish.”

“So what can we do?” Ben asked.

“I do have one idea,” said the Field Troll, gesturing a small corked bottle. “This bottle contains my breath, which will remain inside until the glass breaks. I thought you could throw this at the Alder King.”

“Thank you,” said Ben, tucking the bottle safely away.

“I do hope you succeed,” said the Field Troll. “I didn't mean to come here, I ended up in the Alderlands quite accidentally. And now I'm stuck in a corner of this place, with no hope of leaving!”

*

As the Passenger Turtle was carrying them back to the mainland, Ben said “he seemed very well spoken for a troll, I thought they were all just monsters.”

“Most of them are,” said Oakmay. “But this one was once a human, a wise man … I'll tell you all about him some time if you like.”

Puddles and Kimara were waiting for them when they returned to land.

“Any luck?” Puddles asked, as Ben climbed carefully off the turtle and Oakmay nimbly jumped down.

“Yes,” said Ben tapping his pocket.

“Why don't you come with us?” Oakmay asked. “Your power would really come in handy.”

“I don't want to risk anything happening to me,” said Puddles timidly. “If I don't make it back, these poor creatures will be stone forever.”

Ben nodded, and asked Kimara, “how fast can you run? Can you carry people?”

“Easssssy peassssy,” his voice now the hissing snake's. “I can get usss to the Alder King'sss cassstle in ssssecondssss.”

Ben and Oakmay climbed onto Kimara's back. He started to run, and to Ben it only felt like ten long strides, and they were facing the Sphinx.

“Have you found an answer to my riddle?” she said with a smile. “The breath of a troll. The hunger of a cat.”

The way to defeat the Alder King,” said Ben promptly.

The Sphinx smiled blankly, and melted away.

As they stepped through the open doorway, Ben heard the stone door reassemble itself. They were in what looked like an arena. The door they'd come through was one of four, the others being gated tunnels. There was a ladder at the far end, and the Alder King was seated on a throne, overlooking them.

“I wondered if you'd ever get here,” he said. “But Kimara, I have a few friends you might like to meet.”

The gates opened themselves. Lions came from one. Snakes slithered from another. Goats galloped from the other.

Ben knew that if he tried to throw the bottle of troll breath now, it wouldn't even go halfway to hitting the Alder King. So he was wondering if he was going to be eaten, poisoned or trampled first, when Kimara trotted forward.

Kimara roared, and roared some more.

A roaring lion is not something many creatures like to be around, and within seconds the arena had emptied itself. Even the lions fled, because their minds had been taken over by the Alder King, so they weren't really lions any more.

They hurried toward across the arena, knowing that the animals might regain their nerve at any second.

“How's Kimara going to get up?” asked Oakmay, climbing the ladder. Kimara easily sprang over his head and landed above him.

There was a small building, with an open topped tower built into the side. Ben supposed the Ahoolas lived inside the tower, ready to swoop out of the open roof at the Alder King's command.

The Alder King was waiting inside, looking completely relaxed.

“You think I'm cornered, don't you,” he said. He whistled, and the ground shook. An enormous monster was charging toward them.

Oakmay immediately pushed the door closed, and leaned against it. It rattled in its hinges, as the the beast was trying to break his way through.

Kimara was pacing, looking at the Alder King with his lion head and the door with his snake head, and swapping every few seconds.

Sheba poked her head out of Ben's coat, sniffing the air. And for the first time, the Alder King looked afraid. Before he could stop her, Sheba pounced, and knocked the crown off the Alder King's head. It fell to the ground and smashed. The beast outside instantly stopped trying to break the door down, and the Alder King's face was filled with dread.

The control spell comes from the crown, Ben thought.

“He's pretty much beaten now,” he said to Oakmay and Kimara, “shall we just let him go?”

But the Alder King kicked out at Sheba, who had curled by by his feet after deciding the shards of glass weren't good toys. She yowled as she sailed through the air, and hit the wall. The Alder King stood over her, and raised his fist.

“No!” yelled Ben, and heftily threw the bottle of troll breath right at the Alder King. It shattered, and the green smoke engulfed him. Sheba ran daintily from the cloud.

The Alder King's body fell apart, crumpling away into nothing. And from the head fell a large rat, a rat who must have been controlling the body of the Alder King all along.

Sheba licked her lips happily. The cat and rat linked eyes for a second, and both took off at high speed.

“Hey!” shouted Ben. He grabbed Granny Vase, and sprinted after the two vanishing tails.

He was having to run as fast as he could to keep up. The rat was running right toward the hole leading home, and jump into it, followed by Sheba and then Ben.

Rolling out of the Mound, he saw Sheba strolling happily toward the house, rat nowhere to be seen. Sheba didn't have to be caught or led, but quite happily threw herself down in a happy heap in front of the fire, as she often did after a hearty meal.

Ben carefully replaced Granny Vase back into place on the mantelpiece, and realised – he hadn't said goodbye to Oakmay and Kimara! He sat down, and wondered.

It was impossible to enter Fae without a good reason, everyone knew that. Would going back to say a goodbye to his friends be a good reason?

“Sheba,” he said, “do you want to go for a walk?”

Comments & reviews · 3
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Oh my gosh! I am so sorry I totally forgot, but I shall review right away!
Intro: This seems a bit abrupt to me. It's interesting that a vase popped out of the ground, but the way you start it is kind of like if someone walked up to you randomly and started talking about turtles. I would try and find a way to ease into it a bit more so that the reader isn't confused.
I'm a little confused when you say Granny vase. Does that mean Granny's vase, Granny's ashes are in the vase... Let's just say this could take many different meanings.
Pacing: The flow of this is nice, which kind of falls under the pacing category. But as for the pacing of your story, I feel like it's all going far too fast. I know there are some stories that start out with the action right at the beginning, but normally they go back and explain what happened before and why it was happening. If you go back then it might help clear things up to the reader, like where this takes place, what the main character looks like, what's happening, etc.
Rabbit Holes: I remember this was used in Alice in Wonderland where she fell down a rabbit hole. It was a very good idea when used once, but since they have made so many movies about it, it feels like it's already been used so many times. Perhaps if you changed it to something more symbolic instead of just a rabbit hole. That way people can associate it with some kind of meaning and your story makes more of an impact on the reader.
Plot: Your plot is really interesting. This whole new world is new, not one of wizardry from what I can tell, and not the typical hero chosen one thing. It's good, he's just going there to get something he lost. I like how you took bits from different stories, but it's the bits that you took that alarm me. Each of them are really memorable parts that without them there would be no story. I can tell by your writing that you're smart and that you are creative, take some plot ideas instead of characters and objects then blend them together to make them your own.
Recognizable: Well, as I read through this a bit more things started to get really familiar and as soon as you said to kill the Alder King I knew where you got this from. It seems like an adapted version of Alice in Wonderland. The two squirrels are kind of like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and then the Alder King is the Red Queen. If you're going to go this route you need to make in so that readers won't know instantly what's going to happen because they've seen it before.
You: This is just a writing tip. The reason one writes a story is so not really for the readers, but normally for themself. If they strive for adventure the author normally specializes and fantasy or sci-fi. If it's romance they want then it's romance they write. That's how you get to know a person from their writing. Perhaps there's a theme or emotion that you just need to get out and you do that through writing, whatever it is, the idea needs to be yours and that idea is your inspiration. Then comes the plot. Plot is only second to the reason you write. Tell me if I'm wrong about your Alice in Wonderland story line base and I will apologize for this really long and boring review and will write a new one. The fun of the story is the dreaming it up ^_^
Sushi :D

Heeyy. I see you're right in that rabbit holes are very much associated with Alice, so maybe I should just say "hole" or "burrow" or something :p as the the squirrels/Tweedles and Alder King/Red Queen, there is no deliberate inspiration, I don't much like any film version of Alice :p the two books are good, but I didn't use them as a base either. As far as I remember the Red Queen wasn't explictly a *villain*, she was just on the opposing side of the chessgame?

That's a good way to phrase that last part XD I guess she just had a strange obsession with chopping off peoples' heads. The squirrels I have to admit were interesting to say the least, red and grey, buckeye colors XD

It was Queen of Hearts who chopped people's heads off :p Tim Burton's film got it wrong ;)

Oh darn! I really should study up XD

Reviewing as I go, so I can adequately review without losing what I wanted to point out.
"Ben decided to wonder how he'd landed upright from a hole facing the sky later." Decided to wonder? Or decided not to wonder? If he decided to wonder, then why not just say "wondered?" It's much shorter and gets the point across.
"But some still do as the Alder King says". ??? I thought you just said that they said all the dryads died. How can some still do as he says if the squirrels think all the dryads died? And if that's not about the dryads, then who?
Then the dryad scene after Kimara finds it feels like "??? Where'd he come from? Methoughts they were supposed to be all gone. Why aren't they surprised?"
Are you familiar with the term deus ex machina? Here's an example from your story: "When Ben thought all was lost, a jet of grey light hit it in the middle. Nearly every spider was turned to stone, fused together in a big lump which fell to the ground." I would advise reading up on that concept and then seeing if you could rework that scene. At the very least let us know about Puddles before you introduce him.
I have a few questions on the troll scene. How does he survive on such a small island? If he fishes, where is his fishing gear, and how does he cook the fish? That would take a ton of driftwood, a luxury I'm afraid is in scant supply on tiny islands. And where'd he get the bottle and the cork?
Then the scene where they meet the Alder King. "Even the lions fled, because their minds had been taken over by the Alder King, so they weren't really lions any more." But if their minds were being controlled by the Alder King, then he could just or already would have told them to stand their ground.
Last thing: "Sheba didn't have to be caught or led, but quite happily threw herself down in a happy heap in front of the fire, as she often did after a hearty meal." You transition pretty roughly to the interior of the house. You never say how they got from being outside to in the house.

Hope this helps! And do consider dropping this into the Library Contest in the Knights of the Green Room's contest thread!

Thanks for the feedback! I'll get on it. With the dryads, I guess I didn't make it clear they didn't all die, just those the Alder King tried to take over, and he wasn't too bothered about the rest, so I'll try to clear that up (y)

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Hannah
Review
Hannah wrote a review · Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:31 pm

Hey there! First of all, a warm welcome to you! I hope you find lots of help, friends, and memories here on YWS, and maybe this will be the first of many happy days!

So, I was really pleased to read through this story -- I loved many of the creatures you invented. I liked the half-dragon half-bats and especially loved the detail of the reason they let themselves be controlled by the Alder King: that terrible hunger.

The other creatures were generally equally as memorable: the wooden squirrel (and that beautiful, striking image of the cave full of squirrels), the dryads, the old man with white hair, the legion spider, the poor lost troll, the sphinx, the chimera. Each was deftly described and became individual in record time -- colorful, lovely characters.

The biggest problem I had with this piece was that it went by way too quickly for me! It was reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland (obviously, because of the hole and the falling down it), and that was an entirely well-paced novel. The charm of the novel was based heavily on the fact that we had moments with each of these extremely unique characters, and each led to the next event. You have the potential, but I'd like slower introductions and slower interactions with these characters.

I'd especially like the see the foolishness of the troll up front. To understand he's not a monster and then enter into conversation with him instead of him yelling "I just got lost" as the heroes are already speeding away felt like we were cheated of really knowing who he was. Other characters that DEFINITELY need more time are the Chimera and the old helpful man -- we don't get much of their personality at all. I feel especially like the chimera is just there for transportation, but he could be such a complex character with all those different voices and pieces of animals in him.

I'd say you should give this piece a lot of love. It tries to do so many things and you try to squeeze it in so tight. Slow it down and see what it gives you is my advice, because I think you have the skill to build an enticing fantasy world that readers would love to get immersed in.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments about my review!

Thank you very much for your kind comments :) I'm working on all of your suggestions as I speak :)



We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot