dragonfphoenix

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "Tonight at 12:00am, by Bloody Mary." There should be a comma after Tonight, and 12:00am should be "12:00 a.m." "And then hang your dead ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "He certainly did though that was for sure." I'm not sure what I'd like changed in this sentence, but as is, it's a run-on ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "He let off the most heavy of breaths." There isn't anything technically wrong with it, but at this point in the series, wordiness now ...

Knight Dragon, here to review the second part! Technical: "Sherlock slowly laid back onto the asphalt, his body laying back" Don't we all just love those problematic verbs? Laid should ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "The skin of his knuckles were raw and pink..." Subject+verb number agreement error. The subject is "skin", so the verb should be "was", despite ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! First off, welcome to YWS! Glad to see a new user getting their work up here. Now, for the review. Technical: "A teenage girl set ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! "Charlie stopped mid step and turned... This is the start of another character profile paragraph. Please spread out the character description a little more. "Charlie ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "It was hard, almost impossible," Formatting error. There's an extra line in there. "Your eyes can deceive you, but your ears were always truthful." ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "A storyteller’s death" Since this appears to be the chapter title, I'd recommend italicizing it, and the period isn't necessary, so you can toss ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "If the afterlife counts as living that is." You would do well to add a comma after "living." It helps the reading flow (and ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! "Tell about a character who lost something important to him/her." It's actually acceptable to say "them" instead of "him/her." Read this for an explanation of ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! First off, I love the name Shira. I used it in this story , so it has a special place in my heart. Anyway, on ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! I just said this to someone, but I don't remember if it was you. Anyway, on the introductory note, you should probably offset that in ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! First question: was the non-cap of the "i" in your title intentional? It just felt a little out of place. Anyway, on to the review! ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: "it's New Years Eve" You forgot to caps the "it's." "I'm not here just for New Years, I live here, in the busy bustling ...