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Hmm truthfully not my sort of story, but a nice idea just need to work on keeping readers entranced. Explain character actions and explain background as well as foreground. The ...

Hmm this has been done before and I read this and saw nothing new. Could you maybe tell us what or who Earth is fighting. Plus it's very Halo-esque. In ...

... .... (O_O) Ah... Erm... *takes a deep breath* Okay sorry but god that so scared, the title doesn't suggest something scary. This was freaky, I suspected him but when ...

Hmm I like this alot. The start is my problem I feel. I feel you mention too many words that have a glo sound. I'll show you. In the window ...

Hmm I felt Jason was a very Gary Sue type character so was his friend. Very unoriginal and I almost stopped reading when i saw you'd written they were "the ...

I liked this and the vagueness was good. It was a nice short peice and left people wanting to know more. Where is this set though, what country. I think ...

Okay this is an intresting start a warning though this could very put off some more mature or older people you know. Hmm now continuing this young style the repition ...

God I'm so sorry I can't be much help. But it was perfect seriously. I really couldn't stop reading it after a while. I only got confused when girl went ...

Nothing much I can say about this that's not been said although I've yet to hear a Mum say "c'mon. I agree about cliche aspect Harry Potter ain't only wand ...

Okay lets begin and try make this better presentable wise and, everything wise. I'm sorry that sounds harsh but it's only way I improved. Description: A mysterious british girl, a ...

Okay this was slow moving, I agree about squeeky floorboards terribly cliche. I imagined she was in an abandoned home at first. You're imagery was good but the start didn't ...

It was a rather interesting start but it didn't pull me in. I got confused rather alot and maybe should make who's who clearer I was like who was Acyln ...

Okay I would of done this earlier but I couldn't be bothered to be honest. So now I'm on a critqueing spree. I like this short, simple and true. I ...

Hmm this confused me and personally seems to belong in romantic fiction more. I agree alot about black soul I never really grasped who the narrator was. I liked Barrio ...

I like this Kay, I noticed no mistake and for a free write this was very exceptional. If I hadn't seen this on YWS I could imagine this in a ...