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Well if it got you out of writer block then brilliant. I found this light hearted not very well written but a good humourous peice. If you wanted to make ...

Okay, I'm new fan, I speak saying fan as this is very remarkably written :). I like how ya start, it's an effective hook, catching attention, and showing this ain't ...

Hmm, far too much telling in this and not enough showing. I begin with that because it's important. Next point, never use elipces in anything but speech or thought. In ...

You do way too much telling, and alot of this could be shown. The idea is pretty cliche, I immeadiatly thought of 'The Omen' when I read about the child. ...

I love this! It's so original and a break for the drab and boring story ideas. I got it all, and found it exellent how ya made us think she'd ...

First thing posting a poll on story, people don't like it much. Now on with critique. You're main problem it seems is repeating words so closely together. This distracts from ...

I liked this, I didn't understand it all from lack of description. Andy mostly caught everything. It's quite confusing and somethings never fully understood. Like it's not too cliche, but ...

This isn't very amazing. I disagree with Aedomir it's extremely cliche. I got bored of pronoucing name and they both weighed it down. You've got more telling than showing a ...

Okay lets begin, thanks for taking my advice to post it all in chapters. Sorry if I repeat others before. Now first passage. There was a series of events that ...

BBB I can't take all this info at once please post this in solid chapters! I want to help ya, but this is all just too much. You can't expect ...

I really enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry but I can't see anything wrong. *double checks*. One thing you do try be a bit a wordy which may people a bit ...

Very well written, sadly Sam beat me for any indepth critique. It's intersting but Volant avoiding swearing in a peice like this not a good idea. The school is terrible ...

This was pretty good but the same as everyone I've not one clue what period this is. You've alot of contridiction. If 17th Century, 18th or 19th. Elaborate. Even though ...

Also, I wasn't sure that your narrator was a guy until they mentioned him being a firefighter. Can you mention that a little earlier? I agree with Lyrical I was ...

This is sweet and like how ya started :). My advice would be careful this topic has been used alot. I wouldn't say overused if approached right. Now to you ...