dele24

I like this, and I agree with most of what Claudette said. There was a sentence that could be rewritten: Her skin was beyond pale; it was white as new ...

I like it :) :D I missed out on everything before chapter 13 so I had to go back and find all your chapters from the start, and I have ...

My favorite story from Roald Dahl is definitely FAntastic Mr. Fox. My 8 year old mind read it, and loved it. Yeah, go Fantastic Mr fox, I haven't read it ...

Yeah I really quite liked this, I enjoyed the description you put into her surroundings, you described things well, thats what I'm struggling with in my writing at the moment ...

Ok, I have sat her basically twiddling my thumbs for the last few minutes wondering what to say. I would say wow, but that has already been said enough already. ...

This is an interesting piece and it has potential, I just have a couple of suggestions. One thing is that you seem to jump around from subject to subject a ...

I thought you captured a childs viewpoint really well with the dialogue and action and you dealt effectively with the passing of time. On the whole I really enjoyed this. ...

I really enjoyed this, I thought it was really good. I liked the way it began, just putting us right there in the moment, and the parts where you took ...