z

Young Writers Society



Siesi's Story-can anyone think of a better title?

by niteowl


It all started when I first saw the traveling merchants. I was 5 years old, and Sabrina's mother had agreed to let me come with them. I skipped from booth to booth, touching practically everything that was soft, shiny, or sparkly.

"Ooh Sabrina, look at all the pretty things!" I exclaimed, dragging her by the arm.

"Siesi, I don't have time or money for this. I have to stay with mama and help pick out the food." Already on to the next booth, I hardly noticed her departure. As I was wrapping myself in silks, I noticed him.

He looked down, kicking the dirt around him and coughing. His rags weren't even fit for a beggar. His hair was so caked in mud and dust I couldn't even begin to discern it's true color. His ice-blue eyes seemed so pitiful, it was all I could do not to cry at the sight of them.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"My life's all stinky and boring and I don't got nobody to play with." This literally brought tears to my eyes. Even the poorest in my kingdom had friends. Mother once said part of being a princess is to connect with the commoners. What better way to do that than let him play with us?

"Do you want to come play with me and my sister. I'm Sally Callaway, by the way."

"Really?" He asked incredulously. You'd think I was giving him a palace with all the servants he could want. "Oh, wait. I have to ask my dad first. Dad, can I go? Please?"

"Oh, alright, long as you're back 'fore sundown." he answered.

"Yes! By the way, my name's Cafaro."

[color:darkblue] ~~~~~~ [/color]

"Siesi, are you nuts? We can't take him to the palace. It would set yer mama off in one of them moods." Sabrina whispered.

"That's okay. We'll just take him to the spot." I whispered back.

"Are you sure he can be trusted?"

"Come on, Sabrina. Look at him!" She pitied him just as much as I did. We ran to the spot, dragging him with us.

The spot is a big old boulder by the Everclear River, so named because you can always see the bottom, even when the ice is so thick you can walk on it. We sat there awhile and listened to Cafaro's tales. He'd been to so many exotic lands.

"And the forest by the Mazure River? It's enchanted. There's huge unicorns, dainty little fairies 'mongst the butterflies, these weird people with pointy ears called Elves, cannibals, leprechauns that give you tons of money, and all sorts of ghosties. But you know what the neatest thing in the river is?"

"What?" We asked at the same time.

"Piranhas. They've got these long fangs, and they jump out and swallow people whole. They lunge out at you like {i}this.{/i}" He threw himself at us, making us fall into the river.

For revenge, Sabrina pulled him in, then smothered him in mud. He started throwing mud at us. We retaliated, and pretty soon it was an all-out mud fight.

The next thing we knew, the sun was kissing the horizon. we rinsed off a bit, then ran back to Cafaro's stall. We waved farewell as he rode off with his father into the sunset.

[color:darkblue]~~~~~[/color]

Every year, Cafaro came back. We went to the spot and caught up on the past year. I never told him I was a princess; I didn't want to make him afraid to talk to me.

When we were nine, Cafaro brought me a gorgeous turquoise necklace with a silver chain. He called it an engagement gift. I asked him what an engagement was, and he said it was a promise that we'd be friends forever. He gave a tiger eye to Sabrina as an engagement gift, but it wasn't nearly as pretty as mine.

Two years later, Cafaro said it would be his last time coming. His father was retiring, he explained.

"Don't worry. As soon as I gots enough to start my own stall, I'll be back this way. Don't forget me." he reassured us. We promised we wouldn't until the sun set in the north.

[color:darkblue]~~~~~[/color]

"My dear subjects, I am pleased to announce that this coming full moon, my daughter, Princess Siesi of Haleria, shall be wed to Prince Armando of Mazuria!" Everyone clapped. Everyone except me.

I had just turned 15, and was thus now suitable for marriage. Prince Armando was 17 and incredibly handsome. Unfortunately, he was an incredible jerk as well. He burped without excusing himself, spilled food and wine all over the place, and he ogled me (and even some of the younger maids like Sabrina) in quite a rude way. He needed a demure, tea-sipping, embroidering wife. I was not what he needed. Not that mattered to anyone. My mother and his father were interested in three things, their personal reputation, money, and the appearance of their kingdom. The didn't care a whit about the commoners, so long as they appeared happy.

"Now we absolutely must go into town to buy things for the wedding. The traveling merchants are in and they have some lovely fabric for the dress and some exquisite jewelry. Now you're going to see some absolute horrors in the market..." She went on to describe beggars, dirty peasants, conmen, thiefs, and vicious animals. Of course, having already seen these things (and deciding they weren't that bad,)I tuned her out.

[color:darkblue]~~~~~[/color]

I was veiled and helped into the carraige by Stan, a soldier who would now serve as my bodyguard. We rode into town in silence.

"Ooh, just look at those silks. Won't they be perfect for your dress? And that jewelry...so lovely! Let's stop here." she ordered.

We were only out of the carraige a few minutes before erupting into an argument. She wanted pink silk, while I wanted turquoise. The shopowner tried to settle the argument.

"Your Royal Highnesses." He bowed and kissed our hands, as is protocol. Mom looked like she'd just been kissed by a swamp monster. "What seems to be the problem?"

"My impudent daughter here refuses to accept that she must wear pink."

"But I think the turquoise matches my eyes. What do you think?"

He thought for a moment, then announced his conclusion. "Milady, the turquoise does indeed match your eyes. Just like that necklace you are wearing. How did you come about that?"

"An old friend gave it to me." I replied. That's when I looked up. I'd recnognize those icy blue eyes anywhere. Cafaro.

"Your Highness, may I ask of you a favor?"

"As long as it's not too outrageous."

"Send a message to Sally Callaway. Tell her to come to the spot at midnight. She'll understand."

"I'll make sure she gets that."

"Thank you, good Princess." He bowed his head before cutting out the fabric for our purchase.

[color:darkblue]~~~~~[/color]

I ran off to meet Cafaro just before midnight. I didn't tell Sabrina because I didn't want her to feel bad that he only wanted to see me.

"Hey Siesi." He was already sitting on the boulder when I arrived. I sat down next to him and he began to talk.

"I've really missed you. I'm so glad I've finally got my own business so I could come back and see you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Your sea-green eyes have clouded my sight. Your smile has melted my heart. You were the first person who was actually nice to me. I could never forget that. I don't think I could've ever had that much fun with someone else." He paused. "I don't know how to say this, so I better just say it. I love you, Siesi."

At first I wasn't sure how to respond to this. Then I thought about how he had spent what little was his to spend just to get me a lovely necklace. How he had been onw of the few people in this world who would accept me for who I am, and who would expect nothing more or less of me. I thought about how he had just poured his heart out to me. I still wasn't sure what to say, so I simply kissed him. It was only a few seconds, but it stated more than words ever could.

"Let's run away and get married." I whispered, for I realized I would much rather spend the rest of my life with Cafaro than Prince Armando any day. It was obvious Mother would scoff at the very idea, but I didn't care.

"You do realize that even though business is doing quite well, I won't be able to keep up the same standard of living that you're used to."

"As long as you are there, I don't care."

"Well if you're sure...I've already packed up the raft. We can simply continue on to Laron." Laron was a small beach kingdom.

We walked down a ways to where the raft was tethered. After he'd set the raft on it's course, we kissed some more. I fell asleep on his shoulder as we drifted off into the night.


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21 Reviews


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Sat Jun 29, 2013 3:24 am
singingwriter1673 wrote a review...



Over all, this is a cute story. I like the plot and the way you made the dialogue in a way that showed the different financial status of the characters. For example, Cafaro sounded less educated than Siesi which conveys that he is poor. Now, the story seemed very choppy to me. I would have liked it better if it were to flow more with each scene. I also think that it needed more detail and description. How do each of the boys look in her eyes? For Cafaro, she could say something about how beautiful he was as a person and that it shined through into his physical appearance. For Prince Armando he could say that he was what every girl in the kingdom wanted but that they were sorely mistaken because they had yet to meet him. Then you could describe everything that is wrong with him as you did in the story. This piece has great potential and I'd really like to see you work on it a lot more. I believe that it could be a gorgeous story when given more care and attention. :)

:D Sarah




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Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:08 pm
PandaRawr wrote a review...



I realy did like the story. I'm in love with the idea of love considering i've never been in love, and you captured one of my faorite sory-lines. star-crossed lovers from different worlds. The story was well planned, and the diolouge was good. Though I will admit the pace bothered me a bit. It seemed like the ending was rushed. And more character desciption would be lovely. Give uus more to work with. Mabey a scene or two between the princess and the prince. And how did the escpe play out? Did the lovers get away?
Overall I enjoyed the story and am eager to read more of your work.

Until next time, Stay In Love With Love.




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Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:16 pm
Harley wrote a review...



I really loved this story, but found it quite hard to understand why there wasn't more scenes at the spot, too. For a title, how about "The Spot" or something like that, although it doesn't really seem to fit the mood of the story. The idea about the necklace is also really good. I didn't like how the moments sort of, zipped past. It was hard to realise how much the relationship grew between the two characters. Maybe it would bebetter if you described another really intimate moment, maybe when Sabrina couldn't make it or whatever. This was a really good read, but I think a continuation would be a little laboured, as your ending told us a lot about how they would live forever after.




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Tue Jan 11, 2005 2:10 pm
Beware wrote a review...



Well, the time passed a little bit too fast for my liking. I guess I like to linger in the moment... but on the whole I think it's a really enjoyable story, with good characters that I can really get into. If it was continued... *hint hint*. :wink:




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Mon Dec 06, 2004 3:33 am
penny wrote a review...



for a title you could try something about the necklace? And do we get to find out what happens to them? I'm very anxious to know lol. good job! and yes, the simplicity adds to the youth of the characters. I would, though, like to have seen a couple of more scenes with them at the spot. It seemed kind of odd to me to have only actually read about one scene there and then when she was fifteen he decided he loved her. I'd like to see a little bit of their relationship growing before he leaves to go start his job. otherwise, very nice. -penny




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Tue Nov 30, 2004 3:08 am
dele24 wrote a review...



I thought you captured a childs viewpoint really well with the dialogue and action and you dealt effectively with the passing of time.
On the whole I really enjoyed this. I was left with the feeling that there could be a whole new story about their adventures after they ran away together.

Just one thing:
Maybe you can include a bit about how she felt when she left with them, she would be happy and excited of course but maybe a bit sad, leaving her family and friends and the life she'd always known.

This is a geat story and very enjoyable.





Being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. It just means that you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena