dele24

I loved reading this and it was so sad. Here is just a few thoughts I had: The ground outside was steaming from the heat of the hanging sun. The ...

This is so much better. I like how you put the bit about the window at the start rather than near the end and putting that bit in about her ...

Ok that is an interesting start, but at the moment I don't know enough about Sara to care enough about her to want to keep reading. When people heard her ...

Ok, that was, well...interesting. It was nicely written, but, I didn't like it. I don't mean to offend you or anything, but it is just too wierd for me. I'm ...

Well I can't help you much with the title issue (I am really bad at titles myself) but I really enjoyed reading this, its awesome. I had never come across ...

Thats so sad, poor Evie. But like Sokool15 said, please, please do not make her have an affair with Jack. Thats just not cool. I liked it a lot. Keep ...

I've read it. I thought it was really sad, but it has an awesome first line, what a hook. Also it was published earlier under a different name, The White ...

And here is where it starts to get funky for me. I don't know what it's like to be sixteen, and I don't know what a happy family is like, ...

I AM SO ANGRY IT IS NOT FUNNY. I just worte the hugest critique and it took me forever and now it is gone. I'll try again shall I? "ANNA!" ...

I really enjoyed it and don't have much to add, everyone has it pretty much covered. It needs a better opening sentence and I don't really like the last sentence. ...

When I first started reading this it totally reminded me about this short story I had to study in English called Examination Day by Henry Slesar. I had the feeling ...

Wow, its an interesting story, I really enjoyed reading it. I think it was good how you used pieces of his past to help explain why he is how he ...

I like it, its interesting and there is some good description in there. If you don't mind me saying its just a tad predictable, early on especially when you say ...

I really enjoyed this. I like Meg, she is interesting, a little too much info thrown in there about her childhood, but she is cool and I want to learn ...

Deep beneath the parched, dusty surface of Scientific Research Facility Number 51's outer boundaries; an entity long hidden from the world stirred within its confines. There is something just a ...