carelessaussie13

omigosh! This was great. It was really refreshing to get a poem that inspires adrenaline but still kept a clear idea of being a poem, not an action story in ...

Beautiful, really beautiful. I love the way each stanza seemed to be a great struggle of breathing. I could practically hear the labored inhale and exhale. Wonderful work. My only ...

I hate to disagree with the others, but I think this still needs some work. It lacks imagery and emotion; it's the telling of a story, and we're not story ...

Hi! *waves cheerily* I'm Aussie and for being new to poems that one's not bad at all. Here are some thoughts to take with you as you rework this poem ...

One thing you might want to think about is a little mistake I made while reading. When you said "marble newborn girl" I totally thought the baby was dead. It ...

Hmm. Very thought-provoking. I'm actually having trouble concentrating on writing this critique because I am thinking about whether or not I would do those things. . . Anyway, I only ...

This is a poem that badly needed to be written. I applaud you for taking up the challenge. Now for the tough stuff, the part where I tell you what ...

Hey, This was really cute. The ending was really beautiful. Has you girl read this? I think it could be fleshed out, revisited and made a bit fuller. Try images ...

Okay. Aussie speaking. I really liked this. It seemed a little choppy to me. I would flesh it out and add a bit more to make it more. . . ...

This definitely reads like a writing exercise. It is an excellent beginning, but I believe you can do better. It lacks motion. Show us how it moves, how it roils ...

Okay, I'm going to write about the revised poem, which is quite different from the the first and equally good if not better. I agree that we do not need ...

Kudos on a really good poem. I think the major issue was that there wasn't enough angst. Humanity has this darn infatuation with tragedy, and cancer is pretty tragic if ...

Hmm. I think my only real problem with this poem was that it was over too fast. Sorry. Let me explain. I had to read it three times before I ...

I'm going to write this stanza by stanza, and please don't take my comments too harshly. I liked this poem, but it does need some work. Stanza One Add some ...

Umm, sorry to break it to you but there's nothing in this poem that we haven't all heard fifteen times already, in various forms. If you want to make this ...