carbonCore

I liked lots of things about this prologue. The bit with Crosse threatening to "send [Lavira] back" gave me the shivers - you are quite good at writing dialogue, I'm ...

I sat on my bed in complete confusion. I just didn't understand how all this could have happened. It was like one moment I thought I was a completely normal ...

As he lay on the ground, taking deep, painful breaths, the man stared at the blue sky that floated above the treetops , [The sky floats?] wondering what had just ...

Prologue Kutho had traveled seven days to reach the city. His journey would have been shorter if he’d taken a direct path, but previous encounters with humans had taught him ...

A crack spread [I think "ran" would work better here] down the egg; allowing the milky white substance inside spill out across the warm incubator. My eyes barely opened into ...

you always covered your mouth when you smiled, invisible strings pulling your hands to hide the jostling molars, jutting canines your mother couldn’t afford to fix, I'm not seeing exactly ...

I laughed so loud when I read the last bit there. That was amazing! The only criticism I can offer is that your pretty simile there - "Lights glide over ...

We paint our skins beautiful Strong beginning with arts of ink rings and studs We paint our outside beautiful "Outside" sounds awkward here, esp. starting with "o" like "our" before ...

The vineyard by Pencarrow Head was nothing but a discarded piece of land, no wider than a kilometre. Even the village was far useless. There were only four buildings. Two ...

Baria breathed the clean night air of the forest, calming her pulse. She placed a hand on her rounding belly, three months pregnant. Her husband of the Forest Rights was ...

Okay, first of all - and I apologize in advance for this - the heavy usage of red, the male character's name, and his speech patterns made me think of ...

A/N: This is something I was considering entering for the October contest. This is the first part of three. Hope you enjoy, reviews much appreciated. ;) It was common knowledge ...

Sublime story, its greatest strength is, once again, first-person narrative (as expected from grand-master of first person narrative, Tigersprite! ). The way the story is written once again gives it ...

A week after Cero was partnered with Francesca, they received their first mission: hunting Rheal. He was unsurprised. Who was unsurprised? Rheal? Two weeks before, Rheal had attacked a clothing ...

Allen Gideon crouched before his son and with tender hands brushed the long dark hair out of his eyes. In normal circumstances he was a man who , despite his ...