captain.classy

No reviews! Well, we'll have to fix that :) So you didn't add much punctiation, so I will read add some for you. They will be underlined. Ex. , Over ...

Hiya! Here as requested. Okay, lets get started: It came back to haunt me yet again When I saw the corpse beside the sad family. This is going to happen ...

Okay, so a few comments. One, this was very choppy. You use a lot of periods where you don't need them. Secondly, I hate how you ended it with "..." ...

Hiya! I saw this had no reviews so I had to comment! So, you executed this idea very well. It is clear you are writing of a smashed up egg. ...

Oh goodness. This story is so adorable and almost touching that I just read through all your chapters in one day. So, I couldn't really find anything that confused me ...

Hawkie! Your writing is great. I am really interested in how this mantis lives and how the story will play out. There was only one thing I think you should ...

I do like this better, don't get me wrong, but if you are trying to grasp the feeling of loneliness, I don't think you're there yet... It still sounds like ...

Vampires! Ah! Here I go: I must be just as insane for associating with her. Just doesn't sound write here. I think you should delete it. In a flash, she ...

Okay, so everything I picked out while reading has already been said. There were a lot less gramatical errors in this than chapter 12, and I was very happy :) ...

Hiya! Here, as promised. The little stuff Once the newborn came home Isabella helped as much as she could, but with every second spent with Sara she knew she would ...

What do you get a cousin you haven't seen in , like , years? Alright, add in the commas, and delete the "..." You don't need it there. Anyway , ...

I turned around and stared into the bright blue eyes of Ryan Wilkins. The hottest guy at our High School. I think this should all be one sentence: "I turned ...

Wow! Is the first thing that came to mind. Your descriptions made my bones tingle as if the story were real. I liked it, and even thought it is bordering ...

Alright, I didn't find anything to correct, and that made me mad! So Anyways, is this the entire story? I know it is short, but it didn't really seem to ...

So your poem is very short, but I am about to make it even shorter. Your lines do not flow well with so many breaks. I also suggest writing more ...