blackstorm

Very good. Your use of imagery was nice and I could almost see what you were describing. However, it almost seemed that you were trying to rhyme but the poem ...

I concur. I think that this would convey the meaning better in story form. However, for your last line I would use "Lord, all I ever dreamed of was being ...

I really don't know what to add. What really caught my attention though was that the rhythm was sort of off and that the "Love is sacred." line should probably ...

Good poem. I liked the images that your poem invoked in my mind. Only two things that I can really think of are that there needs to be a little ...

I agree with abbisnail that you should maybe change "polka" to "salsa." Also "Oh, bless the moonlight, to free us from night's gloom!" seems to have almost too many words ...

I LUV IT! Wow, this was awesome. Was the "Pieces of her burning heart break" part about anger or hurt about a lover or something else entirely? Just curious! :) ...

"My stomach tied itself in a sailor’s knot." Maybe "into" instead of "in" would be better. "To a hungry griffin, I was a choice cut of meat." and "Despite their ...

When it says "Another Elvaan jumped forth from the shadows and in front of the Elvaan.", maybe it would be better if you said "Another Elvaan jumped forth from the ...

"I Never found out what Gene’s he had." Are all of these capitals on purpose? Why does Faline wear gloves all of the time? It said that she doesn't have ...

"I'm gonna bake some cookies, now." What's the comma for? ""Chocolate chip?" Tamara asked eagerly..." You just threw the name in. Maybe say ""Chocolate chip?" the daughter, Tamara, asked eagerly..." ...

I liked it. However, the "That monstrous of a pit." part doesn't make any sense. Are you trying to say "monstrosity" or "monstrous beast" or maybe just plain "monster"? Anyway, ...

Good poem, but I have a question. When you say "Oh my heart. Im so sorry I make you ache this way. My heart loves the way you smile, sing, ...

When it says "I couldn’t help look over at him..." do you mean "I couldn't help but to look over at him..." or "I couldn't help looking over at him..."? ...

I think it is great... for a prologue. I would have preferred it if there had been a little more of the actual action in this section, but that is ...