biancarayne

I liked a lot of your description, very vivid and it added some good characterization but I'll move onto that after I've covered a few specific points - Her red ...

Good story! Well you reviewed mine, just returning the favor. I like it, the dialogue is interesting, reminds me of a story I'm working on. I love how diffrent it ...

Wow. I am not quite sure what to say. I am not going to grammer pick as i was to involved to pick any mistakes out. I can only say ...

Thanks, biancarayne!! I'll take that into consideration. *jots it down* :D your welcome :D and hey, would you mind checkin' out my story chasing the white dragon?? i can give ...

Definitely a very intriguing and interesting story, with a heartrending ending. I'm not sure what to say to improve this, maybe just read it over and over again to yourself ...

Thanks for the comments, people!

Hey there! I enjoyed reading this story. The voice/narrator you have makes it feel more personal. This kind of jumped out at me though... After a while, his teeth began ...

Thank you so much for the comment!!

thanks so much to everyone who's commented on this so much! and about the beginning paragraph-it has nothin to do with the poem at all, just a lament that everything ...

In my opinion, this poem was drowning in description and left me for no room to feel anything. It came off as wordy and packed full of images, rather than ...

People in the city every , were so grateful, but it was a large amount of grief that kept their joy at bay. ?? Was the city called Every, or ...

An entrance was carved out of the solid stone face and the two large doors meant to cover it lay defeated on the ground. I'm not sure defeated is really ...

Where are the line breaks?!?! Right now, this looks more like prose. I'll crit it if you fix that, or if you move it to a proper place. But as ...

[quote="Fand"]Just a quick note: you really shouldn't be replying to your own poems before someone else--or "bumping" them. It's very, very bad etiquette. The imagery's nice, but rather disconnected.

thanks to everyone who's commented so far!