biancarayne

To everyone who has commented on this so far, thank you so much! To any future comments: There was a part in here in here I took it because it ...

Oh yeah, and comments on how to improve this appreciated- I think my story writing skills are a bit rusty right now...and this isn't the whole chapter, really...I haven't found ...

Hi there! First off, I'd like to say that this has a lot of potential but it does need some improvement. At first, I was disapointed by a lack of ...

I like this a lot. I love the line about "cigarette finger tips." I was a little worried when you started with "coal black eyes," though. I was like ugh, ...

This is a very strong and evocative piece, very well written! There's a strong narrative drive and the voice is excellent. Some spelling mistakes, and the situation with the boy ...

hey all, i've got all the way thru chapter three done so far! (major accomplishment, i know ;) )

thanks for the comments, people!

thanks to everyone who's commented so far!! 8)

Then, of course, things didn’t go too well with Johnny and his white dragon and he ended up [six feet deep]

Very good. Quite nice. I really have nothing else to say in a critting sense. The people above kinda took that away from me. :roll: hehe lol I really didn't ...

I can't find anything else to say that anyone else hasn't suggested so, there isn't anything else I can really say except for that this is most definitely a wonderful ...

I didn't get it. I didn't really like it either, some parts are good but... Yeah, I'm not one of the religious sort, but to me 'god-breathed' seems a bit ...

Your imagery is very good, and I particularily liked "waxen wings". I'm not sure about the first line, as I think "passionately" contrasts a little awkwardly with "atoms". It makes ...

I actually really liked it. :) 'Course, Clau's such a little demon she probably couldn't relate... ;) (Hah, love you, Clau.) Really, though, I thought it perfectly portrayed how humble ...

It flows. But what is "God-breathed"? I didn't really like it. I didn't get nice imagery, or a feeling. I couldn't relate. It wasn't about something concrete, and even then, ...