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betwixt

  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: The Old Clown

    thinking lotta how to be known That line doesn't make any sense at all to me. I had to read the poem a few times to really even understand what ...

    Oct 15, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: A Fleeting Universe

    I agree with Suzanne. You have really good imagery, but it doesn't really tie together or convey a meaning to me. The beginning is strong and so is the ending, ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Forever and always.

    i didnt read the first one =] Prom night, Jack thought, she’s either going to kill me, or say yes. I hope she says yes. For a first sentence, it ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Bleeding for you

    I found it a little bit boring, to be honest. It's just kind of plain and simple...which can work, but I guess it just didn't here. And the word choice ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The Girl I Wish I Wasn't

    I personally LOVE repetition, but it felt like you had maybe just a teensy bit much. Also the ending was...I guess disappointing? I don't know, I just wanted the girl ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: A Love That Could Never Be

    I pretty much agree with what everyone else. Flesh it out some, baby! You can make cliche work if you really want, just express it in a new way. Just ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Rain Dance.

    I'd stand in the downpour, Until twilight if you asked. Heavy drops of inky-coloured rain, Soaking me to the skin; I should've worn a coat. i kind of want to ...

    Oct 13, 2007
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Dyed Red

    I feel like you rely on a lot of pretty words in the first two stanzas, rather than conveying a clear and strong message. Pretty words are good, but maybe ...

    Oct 12, 2007
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Please be Seated

    What is a chair? A relaxing seat? A dining place? I'm not too sure about the questions, it seems you could use images to demonstrate that you are puzzling over ...

    Oct 12, 2007


i could be a morning person if morning happened around noon.
— Fern