backgroundbob

Nope, not happy with this. Firstly, you've forced a rhyme. I don't know how many times I say it, and I'll probably end up saying it plenty more: DON'T start ...

For grammar and punctuation, high marks: A or A- For concept, probably about a B-; it's not very original. For rhythm and meter, LOW: E+. There's no sense of you ...

So, I'm not very impressed with this. A lot of the problem is your structure just isn't particularly poetical. All you have here is some sentances split up by line-breaks. ...

Nope, I don't like it - there's nothing to it. Firstly, it's all basic rhymes: it seems forced and ultimately child-like when you rhyme every line with obvious choices. Then, ...

Loved the title. Problem - you have no punctuation. Commas, semi-colons, full-stops... your poem is not complete without them. Before I'd consider this anywhere *near* acceptable, you need to get ...

A thin strip of moonlight lighted the alley. The dumpsters were standing tall against the brick walls and the night wind. On the concrete between shredded newspapers and cans was ...

This is good, very good; it reads (in a positive way) like something from a magazine. The anger and the annoyance are plain, but you end it off on a ...

Interesting, good to see people going for the writing challenge. My main problem with this is the choppy style; pretty much all of your sentances are short and end with ...

So, I'm thinking interesting, but a little disjointed. Let's get the poem out of the way first: You've got a little bit of a dodgy rhythm going on there, I ...

Hmm, interesting. First, on your poetry - it fits the story well, but I think you need to work on your line length a bit in places. Read it out ...

I nod impressedly at the immensity of your writing skill. Ness. Heh, seriously - I'm not a big romantic fiction fan, but this was a good read; not too soppy, ...

I found the line breaks a little excessive, but then, there could be some hidden meaning there I'm just not getting. It's good, and there are some excellent lines there ...

I think it would be better as prose. I has been done before :) doesn't mean you can't make it good, of course. Now, if you kept the italics, got ...

Nah, evolves fits, though I'm thinking in a slightly more... um... physical way than you are, perhaps. I like this; in my mind, it reads in a slightly detatched, surreal ...

I thought I'd just share this gem from Weird Al Yankovic, just to keep in the mood. THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY Down in the workshop all the elves were ...