So in my English class we are finally doing something that I love. Writing poetry! So here is my poem for today. Critique it like a teacher. A, A-,B+ B, B-, C+, C, C-, etc. Thanks!
Day after day,
I sit here waiting for a sign.
A sign that tells me how my life is better spent.
Square roots, war history, and light years mean nothing to me.
I just want to grow up and experience the world.
I want to know the thrill of surfing in Australia,
or sailing the in the Britsh Virgin Islands.
Sleeping in the grasslands of Africa with only the moon to tell me 'goodnight'.
That life would be like a cloudless sky,
open and ready for adventure.
My real life is filled with speeches and lectures that are a blob of grey.
This is not what I want or how I wish to spend my time.
But I have no choice.
All I can do is dream and hope and say,
"I can't wait to grow up."
Eh?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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For grammar and punctuation, high marks: A or A-
For concept, probably about a B-; it's not very original.
For rhythm and meter, LOW: E+. There's no sense of you trying to make line lengths fit together.
For use of vocabulary, probably about an B+.
I don't really know your marking system, only a British one, but what you need to work on is obvious: get in some rhythm.