aszecsei

So she hair rapes my face. What? 7. 7pm. What is the significance of 7pm. This should have a question mark, but I like the line :) He always said ...

This is good as far as information goes, but it doesn't work as a poem. It blinds my secular music This line doesn't work. It seems like it should (synesthesia ...

I really liked this poem, especially the "silver dagger" bit. It started at his heavy heart at the chasm, the void, This seems overdone. with illusory emotion. I like this. ...

I liked the tiny plot in this story. Nothing really changed throughout its course, which I really enjoy. But...there are some issues that detract from it. We’ve been best friends, ...

I love ducks! Now that my exclamation of love for the canard is over, I'll look at your poem. The swirling waters of love swirl waterly Do they, now. Do ...

not realy alive but not dead, The second part of that sentence is weird. I think that, if it weren't for the rhythm-ish you have, "not quite dead" would work ...

James Bond, only...only...better, dare I say? It sounds awful, but it's true, I'll sacrifice the main character's fortunes for less stereotypical plotline. something he'd been obsessed with That's rea

Slowly spinning a crystal wire Strung along with rainbow sapphires A lovely web that none may see... The tempting end for many and me. A spider writer spinning lies Creating ...

Okay, I absolutely loved the second stanza. The contrast...wow. A couple of things, though - your metaphors don't follow. You go from sky to fingers to fists to clichés, all ...

@Shauni: Punctuality is timeliness. Punctuation is what Logan needs to work on :? But yeah, I agree. Making shorter sentences (and more variety in said sentences) would make this much ...

Erm...the apostrophes really got to me. There were several errors regarding apostrophes and commas, but other than that I don't think there were that many mistakes. The storyline was good, ...

First of all, capitalize the I!!!!!!!!! Okay. Next up. “Alright, alright…” John responded. All right? Maybe. everything was illuminated, everything visible Everything was illuminated, everything

What is an idiotic rich, black, human, and flies around at night? This sounds a little awkward. Maybe "what's idiotic, rich, human, and flies around at night" or "what's an ...

Eeek! I'm already spinning out ideas on what will happen next... Very well-written. I didn't find any spelling/grammatical errors, and you captured the mood of children at a funeral very ...

Yikes! Really interesting, made me want to see that McKenny loses. It sort of confused me when you switched from Amad's perspective to Parker's, but once I sort of read ...