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aloe

  • Short Story » General, General Re: M.I.A.

    All right this is real short so my critique will be too. the main problem with this is that there is no reason to keep reading, whats the hook? where ...

    Jan 8, 2009
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Kissed By Icy Water

    right, im aloe and ill be critiquing this today, sorry if my critiques are harsh, but its how you learn. okay lessee, Ice-crystals shimmer and shine in the dying light ...

    Dec 24, 2008
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Forget It. (edited and revised)

    Only guy you'll find critiquing the romantic fiction forum. :oops: anyway... The front door slammed shut as I walked to the kitchen. "Livy?" My mom called. "Yea." I said. "Oh, ...

    Dec 23, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Magic of the four Elements~Chapter 7

    right, here i am to do my copy editor act. kay since i haven't really read much (any) of the other chapters im gonna focus on flow and grammar rather ...

    Dec 23, 2008
  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General Re: Shift

    I can't decently critique this cause there's nothing here to critique! right anyway, on to something less mean. Whatever else happened, I was thoroughly sick of "being" drop thoroughly, adverbs ...

    Dec 23, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: Children of Tokua. Chapter One. Part One

    well you reviewed my piece so i figured I'd return the favor, (sorry if I'm a little harsh) hokay, lesee here, She loved how the cool October wind beat against ...

    Dec 23, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Awake - Chapter I and II

    all righty then, this looked all lonely with no replies so i figured i save you the anticipation and shred it. so here goes my picky copy editor act. As ...

    Dec 22, 2008
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: P.u.r.i.f.y. The D-day

    okay i'm not a huge poem fan really, but anyway this didn't make an ounce of sense to me. Where the heck does D-Day fit into this. im a huge ...

    Dec 22, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Messengers ( chapter one)

    okay here's my copy editor act to save... the writing. I heaved the yellow bag up up what? tell us more about his bag. is it heavy? does it have ...

    Dec 21, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Glass eyes and Ghosts

    Here I am to do my copeyeditor act. okay lessee here... Anna, her mother, and her two friends, Alyson and Hannah, sat silent as they drove to Anna's grandfather's house. ...

    Dec 20, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: I Believe In God

    okay its all cool and all that you've decided to believe in god and what not (heck, i used to be a Lutheran so i know the feeling) but i ...

    Dec 20, 2008
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: The City That Never Sleeps Alone

    kay first off.. like the idea real cool. but... alright i'm not going to go into specifics because there are just too many little issues here. first off, there are ...

    Dec 20, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Nightly Sonata-Prologue (edited)

    hey im new at this whole shtick too so maybe i can provide a helping hand. kay here's the nit picky specific problems I readied my crossbow, unable to fully ...

    Dec 20, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Liana Unbroken

    oklay, i'm going to do my nit picky copy editor act (sorry bout it) The city had always frightened her with its sameness. first off don't use sameness. it just ...

    Dec 20, 2008
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: My Dearest Madelyn

    Hokay... I heard this was good so im here to critique it. The moment he walked in the door he was greeted by the lovely but livid figure of his ...

    Dec 18, 2008


I just want to be the side character in a book that basically steals the whole series.
— avianwings47