akiraskots

i like how where you are going with this story. my advice to you would be; try not to repeat descriptive words alot and add more detail to their expressions ...

please refrain from using the word 'snazzy' its unbecoming of you, and if you were being serious about a future as an author, i'd advise you to use teenage slang ...

i guess i cannot reprimand you for being very suspenseful. from what i can tell, the girl is being sold off into another family or something alike. some of your ...

Reading this; two things came to mind. 1: you have an excessive use of the word 'I' though it may not seem like it when you yourself are writing it, ...

i love this your idea for this universe, i'd suggest taking the whole 'world war 3' thing off the story if it doesn't play an important role in the story ...