The rain strongly pelt a rundown car as it sat on the neighborhood road, while the wind blew furiously through the trees shaking them like an earthquake. Inside the rundown car sat a young boy and his mother, the young boy was silently crying while his mother tried consoling him, watched the house they were parked in front of. No house on the street was light, all residents asleep inside their cozy warm homes, except for one.
The only house that had a single faint light was home to a family of six, a father, a mother, five sons, and one daughter. The room that was faintly light was the room of the daughter, she was asleep, but the light came from a flashlight. Her brothers were all asleep, same with her parents, the flashlight belonged to the young boys father. He was moving about her room as if he knew it like the back of his hand. Careful not to step on anything to make a noise, the father of the boy took the girls backpack and filled it with her clothes and one of her stuffed animals.
As the boy and his mother watched the light from the car, it being the only way of knowing the father was still in the house, in dreaded silence the boy weeped on. Soon enough the flashlight was turned off, the mother knew he had succeeded but her son had no idea what happened. It made the young boy cried harder, he figured what happened was the worst case scenario. Two figures appeared from the gate guarding the backyard of the house, the figure of a man with a child in his arms.
The boy watched as his father carried the little girl in his arms through the rain, making sure to cover most of her body with his, careful not to have her catch a cold. He opened the back door and sat the girl next to his son, putting her backpack next to her feet, he smiled at his tear dripping son. The father rejoined his wife in the front seat of the car, wasting no time in starting the car and driving away.
Movement broken the lasting silent drive, it was the little girl waking up, her body knew the position it was in was not settling. Her back seat companion watched her from his spot against the door. He glanced across her figure taking in her features, not used to seeing a girl near his age, not used to a girl besides his mother. All his life he wasn’t around people besides his mother and father, and with a little girl stirring next to him, the young boy didn’t know what to do.
He kept silent, and for the time that night, drifted to sleep his seat. The little girl kept stirring in her sleep until she got comfortable in the seat she had been laid across. With the rain and wind continuing to fight the car, creating the only continuous sound of the night, the two conscious people in the rusted car looked through the front window both thinking the same thing.
Just wait until it’s his turn.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a really intriguing start here...oh wow, this is certainly one of the most mysterious prologues I've ever read, and well, pretty much everything that happens in here somehow seems to be asking way more question than they answer.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, this is a fun description to start off with, well, not fun in the sense of the characters, but this is a pretty interesting setting to get a story started off with, and the circumstances being presented here certainly seem to raise quite a lot of questions here with what's going on.
Okay....that's kind of creepy to see, someone just creeping around their daughters stuffing clothes into a bag, well, it certainly makes you ask a lot of questions about what on Earth could possibly be going on there for something like that to be happening in the dead of the night while someone else watches on.
Okay, looks like that turned out a lot better than I thought it might be, its just the father sneaking out of the house with the daughter. I do wonder what this scheme here is between the mother and the father, with them having signals like the flashlight being turned on and off, and the son being in the dark about all of this is an other interesting detail. Its almost like their running away from something here.
Well, that is a pretty sweet moment there to see the father protecting his daughter from the cold like that, but well, the mystery of why they are driving away like that just in the dead of the night in what almost seems like its some sort of covert operation. The scenes that are depicted so far don't seem to be the sort of thing you'd expect at a random stormy night here.
Okay...well that is definitely interesting, if that's meant to be his sister perhaps...because well, all the description so far seems to have pointed towards that being the case at any right. This prologue certainly gets more intriguing by the minute here...
Ahhh...a very well executed cliffhanger there, this prologue manages to hint at sooo many potential mysterious things going on but it doesn't budge an inch as far as revealing any mysteries. I love how it contains all the information necessary to figure out what's going on, but leaves sooo much hidden there to make us want to read on and well, that's how you know when a prologue has done its job very well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a pretty darn solid prologue, it does manage to check pretty much all the boxes that you expect from one of those and it appears to be leading towards a pretty cool story here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Sorry but I kind of got confused on this, after reading the entire proluge all I understood was that there was a kidnapping of some sorts. In the end It took me a while that you were constanly changing scenes which is confusing for the reader and the kidnapper, you should directley state that he has a cold and also if he has a cold, does that change the story? No. Take catious of this in the first chapter. Also add more details, juicy details. I dont even know where it takes place, descrkbe the setting when I read the word "car" all I could tell about this place that theres asphalt because a car came throught, like a gas station. So anyways keep reading and writing and of course, improving.
Mr Muddy pig says hi, Mr Muddy pig make a review and Mr Muddy pig says bye!
Hey there! I'm the Chirave Canicthus here to review your work!
First off, I have to say I'm rather impressed with this. It's cool reading this, but I'm a bit confused through a good chunk of this. I mean, it's a good confusion as this is most definitely a mysterious kind of story, but I don't really see the point of the prologue. I get that this si setting something up, but I don't quite understand. Is the father getting his daughter away from something? Are they kidnapping her and then driving off? If that were the case, there are fingerprints, noises.. neighbour reports...
And why would the boy be so isolated? Was he another kidnapped kid? Does he genuinely believe that they are his parents, is he evn kidnapped at all? There are a bunch of questions in this, and personally, I think prologues are there to add some clarity to the story, not muddle it up. I just have so many thoughts. Also known as: this is what happens when a mystery is presented to a person with an overly active imagination.
The tense changes a few times throughout the piece. A lot of the time, it's in past tense, but there are parts where it becomes present tense too. It's pretty jarring and think that just doing an extra proofread would solve that problem right quick.
Overall, I like this, but I seriosuly have a lot of ideas that are confusing me and bringing a lo of thoughts. Stockholm is a cool topic to deal with, and I would like to read any more that you put up. SO, if you could send me a notification by just tagging me in a comment with a link to the next piece, that'd be great.
Keep Writing!
*Chiravian flies away*
i guess i cannot reprimand you for being very suspenseful.
from what i can tell, the girl is being sold off into another family or something alike.
some of your description is very blunt and a bit frank, but other wise your writing style is good. the only thing i would tell you to watch out for is looooong descriptive paragraphs as that tends to bore the readers
i think this could be very promising! - you might want to watch out on some tenses for example when to use "light" and "lit"