Whisper91

"She had always supposed that she only had so many chances, so many times that she could cheat death, and they had to be used up by now"--I added a ...

I only went through the first two paragraphs. My additions, comments, and any other miscellaneous jots and scribbles are enclosed with braces ({}). You may notice that words have been ...

I only read your post, so you might find my remarks repetitious. Remarks are in braces ({}): The crosshairs fixed themselves upon the middle of the obscure figure's head. The ...

Just to let you know, I don't read other peoples reviews or critiques. I only read the original and then critique. All of my input, comments, corrections, etc are in ...

Re-work the second sentence. Its length and grammar both need help. Don't start sentences with "then" so much. The pin and five miles thing is a little. . . extreme. ...

"Walk a mile in each other shoes?" - Is that really the phrase? It doesn't even sound like proper English. Redo the second sentence. Would most really want to be ...

Instead of "those that," I'd say (well, I'd write) "those words." You're priorities quite acceptable. I'd have to say that the "being true to yourself" stuff sounds. . . cliche ...

My heart's pounding. I don't know how you do it. It's amazing. I want to cry, but I will not. Bitterness of death without hope - it's sad. It doesn't ...

OK, strange in a way. A little. . . unrealistic. Maybe not. I haven't experienced it (and I pray I won't for years to come). It's well written, but the ...

I would change the "No; it has to be you" part into the "No, it has to be you" part (semicolon to comma). It's encouraging to see (from my point ...

Although "sucked" is (possibly) grammatically correct in the. . . seventh paragraph (oh, you should do something about the paragraph setup), I believe you change it to "suck." You should ...

Watch the braces: “All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be. What came to be through him was life. . . .” (John 1:3) ...

Watch the braces: Dante sat on his cot in the cell, doodling in the notebook. He drew whatever came to his mind. His first picture had been one of him ...

Watch the braces: After Dante was safely in jail, the cop g{a}ve him two things{: a} black, felt-tipped marker and a notebook. “It’s for a journal,” the cop said{,} “I ...

Watch the braces: The police caught the young man, after about an hour-long chase, and brought him into a small building that smelled like eggs. The man hated the smell ...