Vasticity

First off, this is a great story, I like your story telling ability. At first I was a liiiiitle confused, but you started revealing the story as the writing went ...

Well done! You paint a picture with your writing, and I'm anxious to read the next chapters. I only have two suggestions. A: Make it longer, because chapters usually seem ...

I'm going to review what I can because there's not really a whole lot to review. First off, when you're writing scripts, you need to use good grammar, and punctuations. ...

Well you certainly paint a picture. Also, most of the writing is actually true, so I was quite pleased with your work here. Way to go, and keep writing! :D

I have an issue with the constant double entendres in this story, but it's obviously made to be a joke. So... my only advice is, try to make it actually ...