Vampirewolf3

“Kohan?” I jumped and spun around to face the five year old girl behind me. My heart pounded against my rib cage and my skin itched from the sudden fright. ...

It was soon discovered it was not enough the men and women slaughtered by the demonic strangers. Sort of confusing. Try: It was soon discovered that there were not enough ...

Jazz sat on the docks of Queshek, rapped in a cloak, faking sleep . I don't know. I think "pretending to be asleep" kinda'-sorta' sounds better. The gaurd was a ...

I saw in your first post that the company kidnapped people to play in their amusement park, and that was what I was expecting in the second chapter when I ...

Its almost like there is a cloak of assure is keeping her from her own agony. The "its" need an apostrophe. She stops to breathe and thunder sounds in the ...

terrible bloodthirsty deeds. I would add a comma between terrible and bloodthirsty. Also, the story is somewhat confusing at the beginning with different terms. It was not until the end ...