Twit

Interesting story you got here. But the ending was too up in the air. :) The way you said she slipped out the window - did she leave the house ...

I liked this. You found a tune to go with it? It's the sort of song that I'd listen to, if it had a good tune. :D You missed out ...

Hm. Gory. Why'd he have to kill the dragon anyway? You could add more to this. You tell us the warrior's sword's name, but not the warrior's name. This could ...

This was a very nice in-between chapter. And the songs....were they your own, or did you copy them from some place else? Are they in the film? Sad, again. Maalesh... ...

Aw, sad. You seem to have a thing for romance. :wink: Anyway, good writing, and there was just one thing that could be improved: “Are you in love with Elvina?” ...

Very nice. What Duel was this for? What was the prompt? Myth and Imp did the nit-pick, so I'll just say that this was very good. :D The children's dialogue ...

Sad. Very sad... :( But who sent him the text at the end? Or is that the whole point of it? D'oh, now I feel ineffectual. The one bad thing ...

Very intriguing beginning. :D The first bit was confusing tho, because sometimes you talk in first person with "I" and sometimes in third person, with "he". If the words are ...

I liked it, specially: Scales that shine like they were the essence of the stars. More blue than the sky, more red than blood, and blacker than the darkest night. ...

Ew, gross. Teengae girls aren't really as coarse as this, are they? I admit I'm not exactly a whole-souled admirer of teengage school girls, but they're not this bad, surely? ...

You really need to get inside Savial's head and describe her thoughts, feelings, emotions and all. Just describing (telling!) isn't enough. Show it! The reader needs to be sympathetic towards ...

Good job of showing what he can do, and you give important info without resorting to an info-dump. :D Good egg. I flapped my impressive black wings and lifted off ...

Oh! The beginning of Romance! KAHBLAM!! *coughcoughcough* Good chapter, and there were only a few things I noted, which were mainly grammatical. Peter, Susan, and Lucy, along with the beavers, ...

A lot of this is dialogue, so I'm assuming it's from the film? Even so, the parts with the Watcher, I'm again assuming are your own. That's fine! The dialogue ...

Ooh, odd subject. Is this standing by itself, or what? I didn't get why she's trying to sell the baby...or is that just it, that she's selling it? She looked ...