Published May 30, 2007
A mysterious and magical
cretaure, comes to us in dreams
and stories always eluding us.
Breating elegant and majestic
fire that will incinerate anything
in it's destructive path.
Scales that shine like they were
the essence of the stars.
More blue than the sky,
more red than blood,
and blacker than the darkest night.
Dragons will always be in our dreams
told in countless stories and will be
real to those who believe that they
want to believe.
My first poem please tell me how horrible it is. If it's bad I'm never doing poems again. If it's good I'll still probably won't do one again unless forced to.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I loved this piece it was so well written! good job!
ML,
oregongirl
I liked it, specially:
That bit's real nice.
Sorry I can't be more constructive, but Snoink and Writeme have dun that already.
-Twit
Read this again and you'll know what they're talking about.
I loved the idea although the last part (jacked me up) but overall good attempt and i can't wait to read more of your work and see your improved progress holla!
You don't need "and" in the third line, just add a semicolon at the end of the second. I would even consider taking "a" out from the first line and moving 'creature' (typoed) up a line to avoid a comma in the middle of the line.
'Breating' should be 'Breathing'. The rest of this stanza rather bored me, nothing exciting.
Other than cutting those two words, I liked this stanza. However, it is not set up in the same structure as each of your previous stanzas and that kind of gets on my nerves. But I like this one the best so far and I would say mimicking the others to this one would be the best idea to fix it.
This entire last stanza (which I did read your next post with the real stanza, and it is the same way) is one big complete sentence. Unless writing epically, complete sentences are not the way to go in poetry.
Basically what that says to the reviewers is "pity me so that you don't cause me to hate poetry for the rest of my life." It's not typically a good idea to comment on your poems until after they are critiqued, if at all.
Happy Editing
WM
I liked it, but you need to fix the typos.
A mysterious and magical
cretaure [should be creature], comes to us in dreams
and stories always eluding us.
Breating [should be Breathing] elegant and majestic
fire that will incinerate anything
in it's [should be its] destructive path.
So yeah. Fix the typos! And remember... you can always edit your poem with the handy edit button on the top right.
Good luck! Hope to see some more poems from you. You have a knack for poetry, whether you like it or not.
Wow. I liked it Ash. And for a first poem it was pretty good. I mean, yes, you have room for improvement, but you definitely have some talent. Keep it up and don't give up.
*Ceiling*
The last part is a mess up.
Dragons will always be in our dreams
told in countless stories and will truly
real to those who believe.