Trident

:D First off, I commend this dialogue. It was very... real? plausible? believable? I'm not sure the word. Anton nodded, taking it in. “Whatever, man. Don’t act like you couldn’t ...

Half-note, This seems like a good exercise in writing, but I wouldn't expand it into anything more than that. This would be a good exercise in character development, but it ...

Snoink is right about the whole weather thing. The temperature can actually be above freezing if the wind chill is cold enough. But in a city, with all of the ...

This made absolutely no sense to me. It was too short to understand anything. It was about a paragraph and you already introduced five or six characters. If you expect ...

I remember reading the last version of this. I agree this one is much better. The cold turned nasty, it bit his arms, legs and skin all over, sharp shocks ...

Unless your teacher said specifically to put into your introduction why you chose your topic, ditch it. That is a bad way to start an essay. It looked like you ...

Lycan, I suggest you abandon this whole concept. It lacks in creativity and originality. It felt as if you one day had an idea in your mind about a group ...

All right, Incan, I finished reading the rest of the chapters. This last one seemed a bit long. I'm liking the way the story is progressing, except I feel like ...

I agree with xanthan gum, there is something a bit off in this chapter. There are some parts I found to be rambling, and others were intriguing. This chapter is ...

This is moving along nicely. I've noticed this is very character driven. I'm not saying that's bad thing at all. It is what works for you. There is a plot ...

Incan, I can't believe you think you can't write fiction. Sigh... This is good. You have a talent for playing with the reader's emotions. Your characters are growing more real ...

Wow, Eleanor Rigby, I love how you give me two reassuring links. One to the Museum of Hoaxes, which I believe to be good site, but likely proves that whatever ...

All right Sureal, you've been busy giving crits to others, so I thought it was time you were rewarded with one yourself. :D I was very impressed. Your dialgoue was ...

Hmmm... I found this rather dry. Why would the first day of summer break be on April Fools' Day? That doesn't really make any sense. Plus, I know a lot ...

I found the writing much better in this chapter. The dialogue was of about the same calibur as last chapter, so I think it was what you had to say ...