Trident

I wouldn't say it's your best for sure. There are a few good lines, but it also seems like you stray a bit stylistically. I would drop the the words ...

Hi kittykat. Your story seems to lack any conflict, which is really what helps make a story exciting. There seems to be a little, but nothing too big. I would ...

This is an interesting poem. There were parts I enjoyed, but others seemed to drag it down. Kindling, Piled high upon yesterday's ashes Gathered, clustered. Within the boundaries of stone ...

Hi jenni. I'd first like to say that you have a nice idea here, but it has been done before. So what you need to do is make the idea ...

I read this in the advanced critiques section, but didn't leave any feedback. I'll try to here. ^_^ The underlined sentence: cut it, or alter it. Curls falling is a ...

I know that I just finished my entry for today, but I just wanted to add that Dad came home this afternoon completely drunk. I don’t know how he can ...

I think that I’m in love. Crap! Now that I finally put that onto paper it sounds so freaking cheesy! But still – I really believe it. I actually really ...

All right, first piece. There was a series of events that led to Lord Isaac’s downfall which I believe are of the greatest importance. You have a tense change right ...

I like some of the description here. The language is nice and seemingly sounded out. I think the poem's biggest problem is that it is merely a list of things ...

Marvelous! The images were whimsical and wonderful. I believe it is meaningful, unlike what was commented on before. I would not like a world in which poetry must have clear-cut ...

Hey Sam! For some reason, I read this a few days ago, but had to get offline, so here's a few thoughts. "A particularly disturbing person" -- I'd say get ...

Hey Arion, welcome to YWS. There's definitely some good writing here. However, I would say that there are a few things you might want to take a closer look at. ...

Imagery- Your imagery is nice here, but like Suz said, maybe less visual imagery would serve you well. I would also cut down on "poetic tongue" and "lyric taste-buds". While ...

I think the main thing I would do with this is to be less abstract and actually explain what is going on the scene. As it is, I have no ...

Hi Kimberly, There are some interesting sounds in here and I like the way you have experimented with sound. I suggest using punctuation in your poem as it is a ...