What a strange phrase it is: As if
in the middle of the night, the steps stir,
shaking off the feeling of being walked up,
walked down all day.
They creep down
themselves and slip out the front door,
leaving a gap between the first and
second floors, and begin to flap their
carpeted wings. It is a flight of stairs,
silhouetted against the moon,
like in the movies, and they fly all
over the city like great rectangular birds.
They return as the sun rises, and
whisper to the banister
about where they were last night.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I think it really painted a picture, and I agree with everyone that you have good imagry, but it seemed a bit silly. I'm not sure if it was sup[posed to be like that? Either way, I thought it was very meaningful either way and good job.
-Joel-
Marvelous! The images were whimsical and wonderful. I believe it is meaningful, unlike what was commented on before. I would not like a world in which poetry must have clear-cut ideal or serve some nefarious purpose.
Very awkward phrasing, stagnant maybe. I think you're trying to keep the idea of "up" here, so perhaps something like "footsteps climbing".
I would cut "like the movies" here as I don't think it adds anything. Maybe if you were to be more specific?
You have good imagery and there certainly was a good amount of humor and charm in it but it's a bit too akward to leave a lasting impression. Next time you should try to write something more meaningful and to the point
It's late, and my glasses aren't on. Letters are blurring together, but it is still beautiful. ^_^
If those late night rambles made sense.
Your imagery, metaphor, and silly, ridiculous images all keep this poem right in place and proper. I wish you would write on less abstract things and give me a more concrete messages to use as I go about my day, but something so silly as the journey of my stairs late at night is just as well as it is.
Perhaps, if this didn't make sense, Pm me at a different time and I will try to make more sense out of senseless blurs.