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Re: Spirit of the forest
Hmm... This is really interesting. In the first paragraph you've used a lot of commas, which makes this a little hard to read. Looking at the way you've tried to ...
Sat May 10, 2008 4:43 pm -
Re: Chapter 3 of Bloody Canvas
Hey there. Ahh I want to read more! Nice work though. I do think there's a step missing in there. Chester said he was going to prove his visions, draws ...
Wed May 07, 2008 11:12 pm -
Re: Listen to the Wind
Hey there I love this! You've got some really good descriptions here. I especially like the way you've described her as 'she', instead of giving her an actual name yet, ...
Fri May 02, 2008 12:19 am -
Re: Stop and Smile
Hey there I shall follow the tradition and repeat that word (that still isn't in the dictionary). Awww! Personally I disagree with Rick. I think the fact that you haven't ...
Wed Apr 30, 2008 10:07 pm -
Re: Straw Dog
Hey there! "The way his head slammed against the wall shook the two onlookers", nice opening line, it instantly made me curious as to what was going on. It's all ...
Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:23 pm -
Re: My lady, we need you. [chapter-1]
Hey there I think this is a bit... tidsy. It's hard to give a good review when there's not really much there. The main problem with things this short is ...
Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:08 pm -
Re: Nightshine - chapter 1
Hey there, Welcome to YWS! I thought I'd say that since it's your first piece on YWS. You're still lacking a review though, you're supposed to write two before your ...
Wed Apr 30, 2008 2:38 am -
Re: Time Flies
Hii I agree with pinata, this is so cool, you've pulled it off really well. 'Through the sun and rain and snow' - the rythm here is slightly off, though ...
Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:08 pm -
Re: Deleted
Hey there, I have to agree, I don't really get it... Though it does seem slightly like an extasy trip... Perhaps you could add an extra note on the end ...
Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:51 pm -
Re: Silent Faith
*Sighs due to silly internet and rewrites critique* hey there I think this needs stanzas, and maybe a few lines lengthened. I ended up reading it in a big paragraph, ...
Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:40 pm -
Re: Three steps ahead
I really like this, and I can see how taking out the 'three steps ahead' would mean it doesn't make sense. It is rather long, do you have an abridged ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:38 pm -
Re: Removed #2
I love the overall theme of this. Nice work. Hmm... Constructive criticism... But it's a great poem :p I'll try my best. If anything I'd have to say that some ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:29 pm -
Re: Kansas, Bleeding Kansas
This is pretty awesome. The overall meaning is a bit hazy, but I got the impression it's about moving from somewhere nice to somewhere not-so-nice, and watching how it affected ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:08 pm -
Re: Walls
This isn't really my kind of poem, but I think it's brilliant anyway. I love your use of imagery, and I quite like the way you've switched meaning through stanzas. ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 9:54 pm -
Re: Didz
Hey there, welcome to YWS. First things first, you probably haven't noticed the rule. You have to do two critiques before you post, and try to keep the review / ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 9:09 pm
