Published April 20, 2008
Faucets pour tears,
That consist of pure pain.
The mechanics are trembling,
Threatening to break.
Children sleep,
Ignoring life's problems.
Adolsecence weep,
Learning life's ways.
All reasons to run
Are disowned in this war.
These soldiers still fight
And the blood is still poured.
Dead and cold giants
Serving as walls.
Holding souls back
From the ones that they love.
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,569 Reviews
Wow, great poem!
Once change, probably a typo.
"Adolescence."
Like the poem, though! I like the second to last stanza a lot.
~Jamie
I think this is really good!
I'm not sure if the last line really fits though.
The first two lines of your last stanza were my favorite.
This isn't really my kind of poem, but I think it's brilliant anyway. I love your use of imagery, and I quite like the way you've switched meaning through stanzas.
My assumption is that this is about war, but it reminds me of a family breakup too.
This is the kind of thing I could read over and over again, so well done. Keep it up
(Sorry I can't be of more help, but I think you've pretty much nailed this one)
This was really good. There was great expression of emotion.
I loved the first and last stanzas - I felt like those showed me more of what the poem was about.
The only thing I felt could be improved on is the clearness of your meaning. It seems like the poem jumps around a lot; from pain and suffering, to the ignorance of adolescence, to war, to being kept away from your loved ones. What is the thing connecting all those?
Also, in your second stanza, check the spelling of adolescence. You spell it "Adolsecence."
I really like this.
Although perhaps the stanza with the least imagery; the second stanza is my favourite.
It's very truthful and I like that.
This is really good, Linds. I really love your rhythm and rhyming in this piece. I also love the emotion expressed. Also, nice word choice and flow. Good work. Keep it up!
-Rick.