Deleted

For those who couldn't get and maybe if the first poam was read then it could be understandable. The narrator is talking about assisted suicide. HE helped him drown himself. IT really gets annoying people read the sentence and not the word. Sure its about the grammar but its not everything. E.E Cummings wrote a poem called Old Age Sticks and its nothing like the poems here. LIterature is not suppose to be uniform, if it was how nothing would be interesting.

I liked it. It seemed symbolic for something. Anyway good job!

Hey there,

I have to agree, I don't really get it... Though it does seem slightly like an extasy trip...

Perhaps you could add an extra note on the end to explain it.

*stares in attempted comprehension*

Are you talking about putting a starfish back into a rockpool? That could make vague sense...

I think I might have a possibility of liking this if it made sense.


First of all, whatever you are talking about doesn't make sense, and then none of the sentences make sense. They're all fragments. You finish every line with a period, and yet it seems like they still continue on into the next line. Don't just carelessly throw punctuation marks at the end of your story, pay attention to grammar and where they should go.

The adjectives in the first line, as well as in the final line, don't really do anything. Adjectives usually fail to do anything unless they are wisely chosen and used. But, again, I can't say a whole lot about this poem because I don't even know what it is about. Sorry. ^^,