Swottielottie

It was mid-night.A boat was appraoching the shore of the was not making any sound on the smooth surface of the river.Thick canopy forests grew on either sides of the ...

errtu2: Please don't double post, unless that was an accident, its against the rules, I think! Sorry! This was a cute little poem and I agree that the last line ...

This was an interesting idea and a good topic. I once wrote a short piece of prose about this topic, so I can understand why you wanted to write a ...

I'm not going to do a line by line edit as the others have done because they've covered everthing you need to know. But 'm just going to give you ...

I liked this. I could hear the characters in my head and it seemed so real. But I agree that you need to describe the surroundings more so the reader ...

I've made some alterations. You don't have to use them but I just think they might make it a little better. Your idea is really good and it seems like ...

Hmm.... in some respects, I thought it was interesting but the plot and character are a little hazy. The reader knows absolutely nothing about the character so we can't really ...

Yeah, I have to agree the rhythm was a bit off somewhere. Apart from that I quite liked it. I liked the topic and the end lines, it was interesting ...

Hmm, I like it. I think the repetition worked well and you carried it off well even though it was the same idea the whole way through. I think the ...

I'll try not to be harsh. I didn't like it. It didn't flow, there was no punctuation and some of the ideas were very cliched. Comparing blood to ketchup isn't ...

Hey Icequeen, I don't usually read long stories on the computer, but yours kept me gripped. I agree that you should add in more narrative and desribe the funeral. I ...

I understand you Lizzy. My brothers ginger and everyone asks how he came to be ginger because me my mum and dad are all brunettes. I'm sick of people taking ...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Him I stare. (where are you staring from?) His hair like night, (hair like night? I'd like to see that) His smile too b

I got confused after the first four lines. Did the cloud kill him? Why? What were his flaws? Take save ferris' advice and do it subtly. What did you mean ...

They shred and tear, at the hearts of the illiterate. Breath stinking, Eyes shining. Pointed teeth gleaming. They tarnish and feather, The reputation of the fool. Fangs bared, Claws ready. ...