Swires

Right, please tell me what the point of you posting your story was if you dont want feedback on how to improve your story and in turn make you a ...

One: Legends of Old Have you ever stopped to wonder why things are the way they are? For instance, why is the sky blue, why is life life? And what ...

I liked it very much, I loved reading it and the plot was excellent, personally i find it more believable than the bible, as that is also a fictional book. ...

Im goign to agree with Jiggy here, you need to demonstrate a characters ability through actual action. IE - A character called bob who is thick but quick. Bob sliced ...

This chapter is a very disscussy one, giving the reader the information. It was, however interesting and you didnt murder the story by having no action. I really liked the ...

The Beginning A boy and a girl walked down a dusty road, the two were lost in their own thoughts – thinking about the long days ahead. Behind them the ...

Yes I too enjoyed this too, as Metal says, you could explain why you were so scared. I agree with the other things he said as well. The beginning doesnt ...

Ive made comment preceded by a "//" Prologue Ness hurriedly walked down a long, marble-floored corridor. The ends of the long black robes she was wearing swept out behind her, ...

Well magic man, ive got to say since your first piece of work you posted on YWS you have improved greatly, you have gone from a mediocre writer to a ...

This is good, infact it's very good if considered as a fairytale, which is the way it comes off. A continued simplistic approach is nice, I think, and can be ...

Winged Beauties of Revenge - Here our prayers //I dont understand the title, its confusing. "Hear" They came down with wings of evil, Fluttering as gentle as the sun rising ...

An interesting story, however at the end it seemed very confusing with all the mention of place names etc... The idea of this Runemaster interests me also. "had had" Just ...

I've preceded by comments with a "//" in your story, Ive done the first 2 chapters and may do more chapters later on, or tomorrow. __________________________________________________ The day of the ...

I felt this was crafted well in the way that it includes all the information about Michelangelo. However I felt the opening was poor: James Lander woke up sleepy one ...

Claire Patterson has had a bad memory of when she was a young girl. Good, Blurbs always introduce the MC in the first sentence. Her sister, Joy, and her were ...