OK now I'm asking ppl if they read the back of this book, if it would make them want to read it...So please if u like this tell me what u think!
Claire Patterson has had a bad memory of when she was a young girl. Her sister, Joy, and her were outside. The clear night sky was covered in stars that shone like nothing she had ever seen before. Three men came out from the depths of the woods and pulled a gun on Joy. That night Claire lost her only sister. Though she was only seven years old that memory haunts her through all her days. Till one day she meets a handsome man, Andrew, she falls in love with. It seems as though her life is finally taking some meaning, when she finds out that the man she loves may be a connection to the murder of her sister.
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....so I'm guessing this is a meant to be a blurb from the way that you were describing this as the thing that's meant to go on the back of the book...and so treating it like that, the size of this piece does make a lot of sense here. Anyway, so the tone here works for the most part but not quite. It seems a little closer to being something of a plot summary than a blurb.
Now that isn't to say there aren't any parts sound like a blurb, its just that some of these sound a bit too much like a statement. With a blurb you want a few more questions being tossed about to make the readers wish for more and there needs to be a touch more flair to these words. Right now some parts feel a little too much like simple facts.
Beyond that though, from the gist I'm getting here, this does seem like it would make for a really intriguing story actually. I certainly would personally love to read this and see where it goes. It seems like it has the potential to really be a very powerful one here that stretches these characters to their limits.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Good, Blurbs always introduce the MC in the first sentence.
I arnt sure if there is any point in the above 2 sentences.
Overall I dont know whether the beginning leaps into compelling mode enough.
I would write it:
"The starry sky twinkled but Claire Patterson never did. That night she lost her only sister as prey to a gun barrel. The memory has haunted Claire ever since, prowling in her conscience, the bang of the gun still echoeing in her mind for many years until one say she meets the love of her life, but the echoes and screams come back as she finds he is linked with her sister's murder."
In the above only one character is introduced by name, there really isnt any need for any other than the MC.
I really like it. It will leave everyone in suspense. As the other who commented, it's been done before, but maybe you can add a twist at the end, like it was his brother, or the girl's sister killed Andrew's brother. Revenge makes for a good story. You're a GREAT writer, keep at it.
Dani
I will most definatly keep that in mid wile I continue to write. Thank you for your advice!
The idea's been done before, but if it's well written it could work. Just make sure to give your characters a lot of personality and to make sure the plot line isn't too predictable, and it should be fine.
Peace!