Published April 24, 2006
Winged Beauties of Revenge - Hear our prayers
They came down with wings of evil,
Fluttering as gentle as the sun rising and setting,
in the morn and eve,
Is it meant to be a sign?
A gift from Dionysus, for our ignorance?
Or something else?
These women, who wore fire upon ther heads,
Causing devastation, destruction and Death!
All around the bodies or friends and family
Winged beauties reining down down from the mountains,
Boiling the luscious tranquil water dotted around the mountain slopes,
We have been forsaken by these rampant women of burden,
O mighty Zeus, hear our prayers,
Is the damned Nation of people without hope?
Our sins have now appeared to us in a different light of darkness,
Should it be that the requiems of our dreams should haunt the reality of this world?
Or possibly the trepidation within our hearts becomes the dread pain that they will inflict?
Or is it much more is it that these winged beauties of revenge and temptation be the end of this Land?
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140,912 Literary Works • 673,731 Reviews
I liked it. You used some really good language in there, (which I suck at) and created some good images.
Hey, this is quite good. If Im not wrong, then the title refers to the Valkeryi(sp?), and IO loved the ancient, mythical feeling of these words. Nicely done.
Ooooh... I like.
It also had a very classic feeling to it, because it actually included a story! Not a very expanded story, mind you, but a story nonetheless, which made the work fascinating. Very lilting poem... but it probably should have been put under narrative poetry.
I will be quite honest and blunt. I did not get the idea of this poem. Nice title though.
Ooo! This one really interested me. It had a very classic feel to it (which I love, if it is done well.) I can only praise it for how is sounded to me. I couldn't make any significant suggestions without changing the feel and flow of the poem.
Wonderful piece, keep writing.
the exclamation point makes it seem a bit over dramatic.
all in all, this poem has a prophet-y and ancient feeling to it, which is sort of worn down by the fact that it was written now, in modern times. the dry language did not suit such a fiery topic.
Appreaciated
please forget any typos or realy simple speling mistakes (lol)
open to more comments
Winged Beauties of Revenge - Here our prayers
//I dont understand the title, its confusing. "Hear"
They came down with wings of evil,
Fluttering as gentle as the sun rising and setting,
in the morn and eve,
//End with a full stop, good use of juxtaposition
Is it meant to be a sign?
A gift from Dionysus, for our ignorance?
Or something else?
//" Is this meant to be a sign?" sounds better. I dont like the "something else"
These women, who wore fire upon ther heads,
Causing devastation, destruction and Death!
All around the bodies or friends and family
//"Their" "causing devastation. Destruction. Death" sounds better
Winged beauties reining down down from the mountains,
Boiling the luscious tranquil water dotted around the mountain slopes,
We have been forsaken by these rampant women of burden,
//Again end with a full stop
O mighty Zeus, here our prayers,
Is the dammed Nation of people without hope?
Our sins have now appeared to us in a different light of darkness,
//"damned" also "hear"
Should it be that the requiems of our dreams should haunt the reality of this world?
Or possibly the trepidation within our hearts becomes the dread pain that they will inflict?
Or is it much more is it that these winged beauties of revenge and temptation be the end of this Land?
//This seemed to be a little long and it didnt fit with the rhythm of the poem.