Swires

Please don't post a paragraph again, fantasy fiction critters want meat to get there teeth stuck into which can be a short story or chapters from a working novel. Why ...

I found this piece to go on a bit like "she did this then she did that" - there was little variety in sentence structure. You can combat this using ...

With respect to my fellow critters I think the story was meant to be written in classic story telling style. Its about an old wizard, its almost a fable. After ...

The first thing I notice is this: "Get up!" She awoke with a start, and sat up. "Get up!" Slowly, she stretched out her arms and groaned, and then got ...

The town was rather empty; the light was fading after a fresh, spring day. The street lamps were beginning to ignite, one by one they would come on, burning orange. ...

"This sort of narration by the character makes me want to grab a shotgun and blast the bluebird and the character into oblivion. " Gryffin how could you? I want ...

I know how you feel, I have always had a feeling that Im not writing enough on a particular bit but dont ever stretch it out because it becomes bornig. ...

I hardly think that this needs rating at all Griffinkeeper. but then again I dont agree witht eh rating system at all. Why rate text? In england I could go ...

Ok, your main problem seems to be pace, whats the rush? The story is zooming along with little description; no character insights and you are telling not showing. Instead of ...

The LOTR Movies were half baked crap which were better than the raw crap books. THe books are drawn out and long winded to the Nth degree, every single page ...

I really enjoyed this and adore your character Ezekial which I believe I have heard before, is it the name of an angel or a demon or somethign biblical? Zeke ...

Right at first I was put off by the length and the tense it was written in (the present tense) but as I read on i found this interesting and ...

Quick COmments: Overall I really, really like the voice of the piece and how you talk to the audiance. The Plot seems to be good and well thought out and ...

Centuries ago, there was a beautiful nymph named Ihmelia. She was gifted with the ability to control plants; she was able to make them wilt or flourish or even become ...

I really liked this, it is rare we get scripsts on YWS and this was short and sweet. I love the character interaction however if I was to direct I ...