Swires

Id say this needed an R rating. Ok, This was an intrguing story, it got better as it went on. However I felt the first two paragraphs seemed a little ...

Ok, the witches promise seems alot like the unbreakable vow from Harry Potter and thus will be deemed cliche by many readers. I only had time to read half of ...

You fell into the trap that I made with one of my stories. This whole thing is purple. By purple I mead over and unnecessarily description. You use pretty words ...

This poem is perhaps one of my favourites on YWS. I love how you make the rape scene so beautiful with the words "lullyby" and light, sweet imagery. I adore ...

I understood this poem but it seemed like two different poems put togther. The first two verses you discuss the kangaroo tails. For the second two you move onto your ...

This was a beautifully constructed poem. It has a message and theme behind it which all poems should have and the language of it reflected it. THat poem is definitely ...

I agree with the above critique, I enjoyed this poem immensley, it has a real macabre about it which really connected with me. Soakin' doesnt sound right and it makes ...

Ok: :arrow: The Grammar is awful, as Prissy said, read it allowed. You need to correct your tenses. :arrow: YWS critiques actual work, not spontaneous paragraphs with no characters, plot ...

Ok. Wheres the conflict? There doesnt seem to be any conflict, plot or character motives throughout the piece and thus it lacks in view point. THe piece seems to be ...

And pulled the knife out of her chest, >> It would read better as And pulled the knife from her chest >>It just breaks up the difficult flow of that ...

1. Eragon or Harry (as heroes)? Harry Potter 2. Galbatorix or Lord Voldemort (as villains)? Voldy, Galbatorix has no real aims and is a mere overtone of the books as ...

A young boy threw a stone at the creature’s head and It began to cry, a long and mournful howl like a lone wolf. Can something cry a howl? It ...

The beginning (first two paragraphs) seems a little image rich for my liking and is slightly purple. As snoink said, the beginning is a little soapy. Ending as well, you ...

Yes I agree. There seems to be a lot of information plastered on to the page. Break it up and add subtleties here and there. Yes, you need to format ...

Ive just copied all 12 000 words into word and I aim to do a mega crit over Christmas of this because I promised Id do it then forgot about ...