Sureal

There's a really great post in the Writing Tips forum about this, here's the link. ^_^ Anyways, I liked this, but it only works because it's really short. if you ...

Meh, I'm not a fan of parody novels. I loved HHGTTG (at least, the first one) because it wasn't a direct, over the top parody (same with Pratchett). EDIT: PLEASE ...

Hello ^_^. ‘The gates to the fence were quite impressive,’ - The gates to the fence? Gates are typically on the fence: ‘the gates on the fence‘, or ‘the gates ...

Hi ^_^. ‘but in his case it worked perfectly.’ - Awkward phrase. Something like, ‘but for him it worked perfectly’ may work better. ‘She lost it then.’ - ‘then’ is ...

‘I said, striding up to the bar never the less.’ - never the less detracts from this sentence (as we already know the character is ignoring what the man said). ...

This was an enjoyable story. And - and this always vital for a novel - caught my attention from the first sentance. Some parts of this feel redundany - mainly ...

Hello, and welcome to the site ^_^. ‘now familiar sight of the 8 by 9 cell.’ - It’s generally better to write numbers rather than use figures. As in, ‘eight ...

‘In the small town of Camilla, a stranger named Christian scurries down the street which smelled of fresh rain.’ - Is this the only street that smells like rain? It’d ...

‘I was like her once: a foolish mortal.’ - You’ve already used the term ‘foolish mortal’ once. This time round it feels redundant. ‘Her body is light and caring her ...

Ooh, tis cool. My only complaint would be the very last sentance - 'I close my eyes and then I wake again.' This just doesn't read as fluidly as the ...

Hey. Nice revision :). ‘Aiden was just about to restart when the screen vanished and a browser window opened of its own accord , “Dad!” he yelled.’ - Should be ...

Personally, I enjoyed it. I liked the repeated use of the same template, but other than that can't really give me of a crit (I aint too good at critting ...

Yo 8). ‘He was going on a quest All the way to the Elven realm too.’ - Needs a full stop (‘.’) after ‘quest’ and before ‘All’. ‘the answers of ...

Hello :). ‘Almost all the rooms were out lined in blue’ - ‘out lined’ = ‘outlined’. ‘ “Look,” she paused, “Alex,” she said his name like she was wiping dog ...

Hello :). ‘To one schooled in the Sight such illusion was ripped away and the roaring, crackling power of the barriers was revealed.’ - I think it could do with ...