Stori

Sorry. El mar is Spanish for "the sea".

Hey, Hannah! I just want to point out a couple of grammatical errors. Margo t dug in her bag, “ of course,” and set the phone next to a pile ...

Hey, Shark! That was unlike anything I've ever read.

How come you abruptly named the two bodyguards? If the main character doesn't know their names, shouldn't there at least be an introduction? Also, it seemed they were addressing Ailia ...

Good start, though perhaps you could mention the Clan's name. If the nursery is in a cave, then it's obviously not in the forest; is it, perhaps, old SkyClan?

Seems as if you've got most of the points covered. I'd just like to ask you to describe the Virginia countryside more in later chapters. What fun is it if ...

Thanks. It's an incomplete verse; I was hoping to get help with it.

What's enjambment?

The only suggestion I'd make is to break this into smaller paragraphs.

This isn't bad by any means. However, it doesn't belong here in Fan-fiction; you can have it moved by asking someone with a green name.

For some strange reason, I thought Henry was severely autistic. I mean, the kind you see in "Rain Man." Maybe you never intended it that way.

Cat-san, this is something. You switched tenses at lot, but it happens. In a few places you missed a capital letter. she didn't have a watch. it tells her the ...

That first poem was simply incredible.

What can I say? Even boys succumb to the "I'm not pretty enough" bug.

I don't mean to advertize anything, but. If you read "Ethan of Athos", you'll find a main character from an all-male society. Maybe reading such a book would be helpful?