Stori

I'll attempt a critique. "Notebook and folder, check, Bible, check, pencil case, che- wait, what's that?" That might work better if each item was its own sentence. Thus: "Notebook, check. ...

Hmm. Some of the dialog was forced, and you could use some help with grammar. "Don't 'Heil, Gabriel' me! You motley-minded miscreant!" Nice alliteration. It mad me laugh. But you ...

Hi there. I saw the words "Green Rider" and jumped on this. "My lord," she said, "any news on Karigan?" No need to capitalize "any." Couldn't find any more glaring ...

Methinks someone could use some work on his spelling. A few instances... The boy ripped open one last tent and there, sitting strait up in bed... That should be "straight." ...

Little confused by the college terms, but otherwise I think it's great. All though high school, Mom always expected me to come home right after the movie. I had no ...

Now as this glow wonders across the land Should be "wanders." Spring is here the world excitedly cheers. Maybe "Spring is here!" the world excitedly cheers. Well, that's about all.

Hello, God. nice to meet you. ;) Wandering. Wandering A comma at the end of each line would work better. they turned their backs upon you, Now, alone and broken ...

Ok, few things I think you could fix. thinking of the actions that accured only five hours ago. Occurred, and spell out "five." As I pulled the phone away from ...

Not bad, though the description of the fair reminded me of Eragon. A few nitpicks I want to point out: "I would... it would be an honor," she said fervidly. ...

And I wonder if I'm longed, To hear the joyful ones, I think that should be "I've longed." Or perhaps, although I'm a angel I've been made To burn in ...

...distraction were least what he needed. Would work better as, "distractions were what he needed least right now." Or, "A distraction wasn't what he needed." Another thing, please don't bog ...

"You think I stole your money!" You must be completely out of your mind! Since it's not the end of the quote, get rid of those marks. "You wont believe ...

Bravo! *applause* There were a few errrors but overall very good. And the city went up, in raging seas of smoke, Delete the comma. Two small brothers with no where ...

I hadn't mean to say that, but it walked out of my mouth before I could stop myself. You broke with the present-tense there. I notice that tends to happen. ...

"Smooth Amanda," I said. Should be, "Smooth, Amanda," Riley said. He didn't like the way she looked now, with her hair in some odd fashioned way Did you mean "old-fashioned"? ...