Squall

Hi Nutty. "We had enough, yet, elf?" He leaned in closer, to study his victim closer. such a spirit, he thought. What fun. You used closer twice. That is awkward. ...

The Lady instinctively held the babe I dunno why but the babe bit makes it sound slutty. The rest I don't have problems with. Anyways, hi Jabber, thought I pay ...

Another entry from the famous Jiggly Puff The tables were covered in death. A very strong hook to start the story off. Brightly coloured tents and stalls festooned with every ...

You see, everyone is different in their own way. Some people are tall, and others are short; there are slim people, and then there are the stout ones; also, we ...

Shoot! I let my attitude fall from me like a dead skin from a snake. Awkward phasing. I ask, thrusting one hip out and placing my hand on it. “Did ...

Hi Magicman. I know you have a fancy for fantasy so I'm here to critque :) Snowflakes drifted down from the heavens. They spiraled and swirled in the winter air ...

Hi Hunter. Now that I've re read the story and the newest addition to the story, I actually quite enjoyed this. The way you wrote it, though complex, makes the ...

Hi Angel. I thought the story was ok. You gave us too much information about the family and that bored me a bit. Quite a large bit of the story ...

“Surrender!” its magically enhanced voice was heard by all, it echoed off the cold hard walls cutting deep into the minds of all who heard its cry. Comma should be ...

Sup Pendragon. The town was in chaos, people were running everywhere and gunshots were sounding off in the distance. Perosk’s mother was dragging him towards the forest in a rush. ...

Sup Lindsay. I thought this was pretty good. Hence, I should nit pick for you now Then they’ll take you home.” Mallory looked at her with big eyes. Big doesn't ...

Hi Reyu. Thought I should pay you a visit. The vibrant glow of the rising moon flooded the hallway with silver light. Stain glass casting hundreds of beams of light ...

Hi there. Griffin had slapped you and I think I'll do the same too. All he could do was stand there, two bodies side by side. Two girls, reaching the ...

Sup Adam. Time to nitpick :) (nitpicking means that your piece is good and that they are only picking on minor errors :D ) Tomorrow will be our first show ...

Adam had said what I wanted so I'll go on to giving you a nice ego stroke :) Well written and flowed along nicely. Since you haven't shown a main ...