Squall

I like this. It flowed along quite nicely and it has that little beat in it. I especially liked the last verse, it's so ownage lol. The problems would probably ...

Hi Chey. So, in the morning, she mechanically ate some tubers she had cooked the night before. Mechanically doesn't really work that well in this context. It appears as though ...

I love this! This piece flowed very well and you used the right words that brought out the full potential of a scene or the descriptions of the characters. I ...

The start of this piece had got my attention. However, about half way through, you lost the purpose of the piece and it fell from there. Firstly, you info dumped ...

It's ok I guess. I noticed you relied heavily on dialogue. It's not the way to go because firstly, it reads like an info dump and secondly, it doesn't allow ...

Hello and welcome to YWS. The fantasy forum is the place where I pay homeage to literature. Onto my critque. Though your writing style is pretty good, I think you ...

Hi Lucy, remember me? Guess I should critque this piece. I won't bother with a line to line since this piece was very well written and excecuted pretty well. The ...

I like this very much Kittie15. It's quite original and the world you've created is intruging. Nice to know that your character is only a weenie armed with a pen ...

For the limitation that you had to work with, I think this was pretty alright. Storywise, it was alright. Characters could had been more developed though, but with limited options, ...

I'm wondering why this is in the romance section. I'm assuming it has something to do with your main character's sisters developing a teenage type of relationship with these boys. ...

This is kinda cool, I like how you portrayed a rather original theme of "having fake friends rather than none". To a certain degree, I actually agree with you lol. ...

Lol funny, yet random concept. The idea can work but only if you show more rather than tell. Don't tell the reader on what is happening. Show us so that ...

Although for one heart stopping moment the silhouette of the person stopped in front of us, it carryied on walking past us a few second later. Carried :) said the ...

Hi Ginger, here comes my critque :) I cried. I cried. Ask anyone... I never cried. The way you used cried like that isn't very effective. To me, I felt ...

The idea to this is good, but when I read the prologue, it sounded so bland. Where is the emotion in this fantasy? Where is the heart? I felt as ...