z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



The Fire Within

by cheeb


Ok... this song is based on the main character of my would-be comic, Infra, and it might not be possible to properly appreciate the song without knowing him. So, a short bio!

Infra is a strange demon that somewhat resembles a chibi jester (and was ridiculed and even attacked by other demons for it). At the beginning of the story he works for Lucifer but is quickly dismissed and replaced. Since then his utmost desire is revenge on Lucifer, even when he is offered his position back. Infra is a pyrokinetic - his most common attacks are flaming punches and fireballs, as well as fire-based magic attacks.

And now, of course, for the song.

---------------------------------
The Fire Within

Verse 1:
Never one to be distracted
Never thought before I acted
Never sure until I cracked it
Now I know what to do

Never pause to rest or breathe
Never hide things up my sleeve
Never stop till I retrieve
The key to make it through

Bridge 1:
I don't know what you've been told
Let me set the record straight
I don't fight for good or gold
I fight 'cause it's my fate

Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark

This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me

Verse 2:
Always there when the heat is on
Always been looked down upon
Always fight with heart of stone
You're cancer, I'm the cure

Always ready with the flame
Always win your evil game
Always savage, never tame
I'll take you down for sure

Bridge 2:
I don't know why I am here
But I'm not one to debate
Strike you like a steel spear
The power of my hate

Chorus again:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark

This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me
---------------------------------

As to what it sounds like... It would be a Hard Rock-style song... if anyone's ever heard anything by Crush 40 (specifically "I Am (All Of Me)" and "Live and Learn"), that's what it'd be like. I'm not entirely happy with the second verse/bridge and am open for suggestion. ^_^


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 1290
Reviews: 7

Donate
Thu Dec 27, 2007 2:22 am
hiverious wrote a review...



That was a really cool song, but I'm with whence. The last line of the chorus does seem a bit short. It probably would work better if we had music to hear it to, but unfortunately that's not the case. Personally I think "The fire lives inside of me" seems to fit better in terms of length.

As for "You're cancer, I'm the cure" all I can suggest is a rather similar "You're the cancer that I cure", but that's not very good.

All in all great song. Try to get someone to write music for it sometime!




User avatar
96 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 96

Donate
Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:09 pm
Acoustic Sensitivity wrote a review...



It's a nice song. It's like a song from an anime like Naruto. This would sound good in a band.

Bridge 1:
I don't know what you've been told
Let me set the record straight
I don't fight for good or gold
I fight 'cause it's my fate

Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark

This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me


These two are my favorite lines. It kind of reminds me of the band, Meatloaf. I don't know why. Hey by the way, do you have the tabs or the chords for this?




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 3

Donate
Sat Sep 08, 2007 11:34 am
dantheman says...



What I said in the subject.

its pretty epic

shot bo




User avatar
672 Reviews

Points: 5577
Reviews: 672

Donate
Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:30 am
Squall wrote a review...



I like this. It flowed along quite nicely and it has that little beat in it. I especially liked the last verse, it's so ownage lol.

The problems would probably the repetition you used in the piece, it does get boring starting a new verse with the same starting word in each line. I think you could vary the structure of the first two verses (keep the third one, it rocked) to allow a more diverse emotion of your character.

Overall, it was good.




User avatar
67 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 67

Donate
Tue Aug 21, 2007 5:02 pm
crewgurl93 says...



i like it!




User avatar
53 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 53

Donate
Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:26 am
cheeb says...



Heh, thanks guys for your compliments.

Unfortunately I'm not in a band and don't play instruments or anything, and so as of yet this song has never been performed, so I can't really upload it. But if any friends' bands end up performing it this thread will be the first to know.

I'm still not happy with that line "You're cancer, I'm the cure". Any suggestions?




User avatar
378 Reviews

Points: 1215
Reviews: 378

Donate
Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:21 am
sokool15 wrote a review...



[pre]Do you have a way you could record the song and post it on myspace or something? I'd love to hear it.

This was a great song, and I think you were wrong. Sure, to know about the character gives us what context you were thinking of when you wrote it, but writing in first person gives the listener the perfect chance to exercise their own imagination and try to discern what kind of a character's thoughts we are hearing.

Rhythm and rhyme was consistent, good job. So many aren't. Way to keep it in an actual format...a lot of people don't know how to do that. The words were really cool!

Again, this song could totally stand on it's own. You don't need to give us the history.

Yours truly, The Kool One 8)

P.S. yeah, do you have tabs? Oh, and have you actually tried playing it with like a band or a guitar or something, or is it still in your head?[/pre]




User avatar
17 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 17

Donate
Thu Aug 09, 2007 11:59 am
woodland wolf says...



WOW, that was cool. do you have any tabbs or something? an nice eletric guita solo could go into that it seems like soft rock to me? is it fast paced? nice work!




User avatar
2631 Reviews

Points: 6235
Reviews: 2631

Donate
Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:38 pm
Rydia says...



Very good. The rhythm is perfect and It's so easy to imagine it being sung. Good job.




User avatar
112 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 112

Donate
Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:02 pm
-Save-Ferris- says...



I would be incredibly proud of that Mattstor/Mattster.

Very powerful and descriptive. I have nothing more to say on the matter.




User avatar
411 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 411

Donate
Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:44 am
Sohini says...



Hey that was really wonderful. the lyrics was powerful and hard-rock will do it even more!




User avatar
316 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 316

Donate
Thu May 24, 2007 4:57 am
whence wrote a review...



The main thing that bugged me about this was the last line of the chorus. It seems to be missing a syllable or two [or at least that's how I read it]. Perhaps "Flames inside of me" or something of the sort could work better.

But these are some solid lyrics. Your flow is spot-on, and it reads cleanly and nicely. Well-done. It's good to see someone who can actually write lyrics AND stick to format AND have it turn out good. (Unlike me :p)

~Ed




User avatar
253 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 253

Donate
Wed May 23, 2007 7:49 pm
CK Lynn says...



I really liked the fire verse. But this character sounds way boring, really uptight.




User avatar
252 Reviews

Points: 2816
Reviews: 252

Donate
Sun May 20, 2007 9:14 am
Insomnia wrote a review...



Well, you asked me to crit this, so =O! This is really good. But I don't have anything to crit, that's the problem. I just find myself wondering if you can actually sing lol! I have the talent of a goldfish. >_< So, good job.

I find myself thinking this crit is a bit behind... But anyways, yay for my 100th post (yes, I realise it's creepy to know that lol). So, Go Matt. :D




User avatar
280 Reviews

Points: 794
Reviews: 280

Donate
Sun May 20, 2007 9:08 am
Nutty says...



Nice. Just want to hear the tune now.

*gasps*

Isnt this like... the ONLY thing you've posted?




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 45

Donate
Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:23 am
magiclukehutch says...



I like the song. But I couldn't give you any critique because I have no skills in song writing. Well done! :wink:




User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 16

Donate
Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:16 am
Honyflame says...



that was very good, i like your style!!




User avatar
647 Reviews

Points: 9022
Reviews: 647

Donate
Fri Apr 06, 2007 6:22 am
Alteran says...



Very cool.

I though it was great the way it was but you have to like it for others to like it.




User avatar
50 Reviews

Points: 1046
Reviews: 50

Donate
Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:12 pm
TellATaleForTwo wrote a review...



This is really good Matt!

This is my favorite part:

Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark

This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me

I really liked it!
^_^

~Tina





Overripe sushi, The master Is full of regret.
— Buson